Random thoughts: A kaypo thought of ST article of "Bond take Lioñ share of retiree's portfolio

The ST ran an simulated portfolio suitable for Retirees.

One very important info is missing. How much he has for FD. 

He has only 50K in emergency funds and CPF of 80K. I assume his FD is of similar size or twice as his emergency funds 50-100k.

It would means his vested amount is at least twice the size of his assets not including his property. 

I would rather have more at FD/ emergency fund and annuity or policy with Cash back features. 

I would also be more heavily tilted at bonds, at least 50% because I 吃老本。

Personally, I think REITs and ETFs are no less volatile than equity. 

There are different, but at different time, can provide different heartache. 

Also, the choice of companies at equities include cyclical aerospace SIA. 

Given his small amount in CPF and lack of other sources of income: e.g. Properties. 

I hardly think his portfolio is a "safe" one. 

Do we really still want 4-6% returns at retirement? Especially 6%?

Of course, if he FD is rice bucket then ok.

I would continue to work if I am in a similar situation. But will work at a slower pace, if health permits. 

Just a silly view 

Random thoughts: Who am "I"

During my university days, we had a module that wanted us to write "who am I" while many are amused, I enjoyed writing that and got an A-

I said "I" is an accumulation of our experinces and how these experiences affected us. Since no one experince the same thing, all of us are unqiue.

As I aged, I believed we are the filter of our experinces. And that filter to a large extend is our values and moral beliefs 

This filter is constantly changing. Perhaps the core do not change much, but many changes a lot. Ask yourself honestly is your beliefs in your work the same as 10 years ago? 

If the answer is yes, go on and ask if u have the same values on life, family and wife or money? 

We are constantly bombarded with experinces, some routine while others more mentally or emotionally or spiritually more stimulating or disturbing. 

The key in being at peace with yourself is neither shutting off the bombardment, nor sticking to your values like a stick in the mud.

We are not an island. We felt disturbed, we are affected, but when an decision need to be made, it will be based on my filter, not matter how volatile it might be. 

It will not be based on how my boss think (her filter) or my wife felt(her filter). They in my interactions with them already play a part in shaping my filter, there is no need to "shut off" anything. 

Wonder why we say we are "lost"? Because we thought the filter is some cast in stone apparatus or we could

Not even see out filter? 

The filter is important because it helped one made decision and live with that decision with peace. 

And if an decision made is not at peace,

U know it is under bombardment again. There is no need to resist. It is simply telling your core, is being "transformed" at the perimeters. Relaxed. I am I. Not one live like me and I live like no one 

Cogent Update

Cogent went up by more than 5% today. It is mainly due to the news that the owners might be selling its business

http://www.businesstimes.com.sg/stocks/stocks-to-watch-singpost-frasers-hospitality-trust-ascendas-hospitality-trust-osim-cogent

The WSJ said the deal could be worth more than 400 million.

However, while I am vested and would gladly ride this wind, i have to honest and feel that is most probably just wind, particularly the price involved.

400 mio price tag is double Cogent current market cap. And almost 4 times its total assets. 

While I like its business as well as management, the buyer only get the business and not the management. 

Would u pay $4 for $1 asset.

If u look at earning ratio, it is inexpensive now, but if u double the current price to 80cents then PE will look a bit stretched for logistic players. 

I know, I slapping myself right. Should let the wind bring it high high and sell. But nvm, market not stupid.

I agree with city farmer from valuebuddies it be some form of high placement and giving away some f te shares for injection of capital. They need it if they are developing the property at jurong island. 

随心笔：叹叹气

不如意时，吸口气。
陷低谷时，笑一笑。

记一记，忍一忍。

世界不会停下啦，
只有自己的脚步停了。

慢慢走，停一停。

不能散，精神不散。
别让恐惧有机可乘。

看淡一些，忘记一些。
继续走。

垮了，是外在的纷纷扰扰。
内在一股闷气，
正凝聚着，
心志能让它化成斗志。

来吧，我没倒下。
我爬起来，
你再打吧。

我守好了。
我不会让不愉快影响愉快的，
让关心变成累赘。

你不把我打死，我会爬起来，
继续和你斗下来。

你放手，我就放。

你越压，我越弹。

我是带着一点伤，这伤小得可笑。
自己觉得伤大得会死人。

没事。把纱布拿走。

Ascendas Reit

Ascendas results is good.

Fear of dilution and hence lower DPU has proven to be unfounded. It is the operation modulus of the REIT to place shares to do yield accretive acquistions. 

There will be a further dilution of 65 mio shares but the Australia properties contribution will only be fully realised next quarter. 

So, the simple maths is the dilution is not a case of worry.

However, with a new CEO, will this operation model changed? That is unknown. As my style of REIT analysis, I always go into 6 areas. Visibility of Grow drivers, impact of rate hike, occupancy rate and rental rate. Then we have valuation risk and since Ascendas is going significantly into Australia, we must account for currency risk. 

Grow drivers & interest rate impact:

Beside the Australia properties, We also have Changi one and new Sydney properties. 

Changi one is supposed to contributed 0.067 cents, and I belived there are at least 5 mio more for distribution in a year that is not yet accounted for in this quarter. (Calculation based on difference in distribution between Q2 and Q3, and the 16 Australia properties start contributing only from 18 Nov with another 10 in 23 Nov) I used estimation, as there is no detailed information on the various properties yet. 

The growth drivers should be able to offset a 50 bps increase in interest rate,

With some to spare. 

As usual, capital management has been prudent with refinancing spread out. 

However, 2017 could see some downward pressure on DPU if we believed FeD will raise 25 bps every quarters. 

Occupancy rate:

Ascendas shared that there is not new supply of business park hence risk of increase in non-occupancy rate in those segment is low.

Good execution with Aperia now almost fully occupied. 

Rental rates:

Australia properties have positive renewal  clause, Changi one is some 15% lower from current level, and REIT has again manage positive rental renewal from

All its business segment. 

However, this good showing means I believed this does not provide anymore buffer for the future. With the exception of distribution and logistic, current rental is not far off from Acsendas's rate

Valuation:

Acsendas REIT yield about 7%, undemanding valuation given its track records. But if u are looking for crisis valuation, think you have to look elsewhere. 

It is also at a prenium to NAV.

Currency wise, Ascendas enter Australia at the time when Australian dollars is weak against Sing Dollars, and I believed it is a good move. Whether Australia will go stronger or weaker, I do not know but at least I know it is nowhere near the peak. 

In conclusion:

Given the sheer size of Ascendas REIT, it is hard for the REIT to make a big impact on its distribution unless it do another purchase like they are doing now. (26 + 1) Australia properties and Changi one within a short span of 1 year. 

Hence visibility of growth is nothing really to shout about if u compare it with CCT. 

Interest rate hike could wipe out its growth drivers. 

But in the same veins, a drastic cut in distribution is also unlikely.

Now you also have new management risk (will they expand aggressively into Australia with no track records to speak of )

I am happy with keeping this, but I am dying to add this when I get my performance bonus? Answer is No 

随心笔：缘

因缘和合，大千世界，

有多少因、多少果？

多少和合？

合成了，有了你我。

我是因缘，

我存在，也不存在。

世上没有福报，也没有孽缘。

生在其中，也置身事外。

苦难，也因缘，是感悟。幸福不也是？

别执着，多发善心。

Random thoughts: My mindful choices in ironic situations

It is rather an irony that kins felt an obligation to do hospital visits and stay long.

I understand no show could be a sad affair and our company is a good time killer. 

But if u take into consideration that fact that u will only return home to visit only once in a forthnight or a month when the patient is discharges, where is the logic? 

My sister seem guilty about not being able to spend long hours at the hospital.

I told her this. The hospital is a safe place. Safer than home when we are not around. The tougher time comes when my dad is discharges, take pockets of time to rest. 

My dad has spinal compression. The doctor latest MRI shows it. The doctors were all trying to pinpoint his problem, asking the same questions (different docs) about his numbness, and my dad answer is always "no, no pain before the fall"

It is through my causal conversation with him about his sleep and etc that I realise he has back ache. After I told the doctor that, they brought him for spinal MRI the next day. 

When I knew about my dad's suffering or would be suffering I was rather affected. My wife who was at the hospital start suggesting about getting a maid, the consequences, carrying a phone around, how he might not be able to walk, and how he likes to move around and how is he going to cope if his movement is affected. 

In my mind I am screaming "shut up! I am feeling low enough already"

She continued to ask more questions until  at certain point of time, I snapped back "so, how?"

She was a bit taken back. 

I knew that's just her rather mindless way of showing concern, so after dinner I hold her hand and said" I think my dad has a rather sad life", and let her "console" me. 

Her words are much more encouraging/ less hurting then. 

I am really glad my mind is really "sharper now" with the short breathing exercises. I lot of choices we made, could well turn a lot of manageable situations into rather nasty situations. 

I smiled when I told my mum to stop nagging at my sister. 

At work, I told a colleague off for being unprofessional in her handling of a situation. The irony is again, this time round, I am less affected being "nasty", but she seems to get it and able to very quickly "patch up" the damages. 

I will continue to do those mindfulness exercises. It made me aware of my emotions as well as my surroundings.

I hope I don't lose it just when I need it the most. 

And readers, when u do get sick (touch woods), enjoy the rest, stop worrying about the bill. 

There is a time to worry.

The last irony, I think I am a regular to hospitals this 2 months. Going for treatment for myself, visiting my sister, dad and etc.

I don't really fear the place but feel like "lying down on the bed" and relax too.

I told my sister in her private ward, "don't you find the place peaceful?" She said "yes!" 

Random thoughts: Reality check about hospitalization

Just sharing my observation. I have no bones with Govt hospitals.

I received a call from my mum that my dad has a fall and couldn't get up. I immediately ask her to call an ambulance while I rushed down from work.

The hospital allowed only 1 family member into the holding area and I have to leave my mum outside. Worried that she had no have lunch and knowing that waiting will be long, I brought her for lunch first.

I was pleasantly surprise that the X-Ray, CT scan etc were done rather quickly. Within an hour or so, I think.

I was then told that he might need an MRI too, that is when the waiting is long. I think we waited for 3 hours. 

Now, I appreciate that not all can afford private care, but reality check one:

You got concerned kins that keep complaining about the poor system and waiting time, it made the whole waiting process an headache. 

There is some miscommunication, the doc ask that my dad be sent to the ward but he was placed at the rescuitation room, which is out of bounds to family member. Jumped! Made my kin super angry. 

When he was finally out at the observation deck, I could see the place really packed like sardines.

Again, there is concern of spread of viruses at such crowded observation deck.

So the reality is not the quality of care per se but expectation of care. 

I waited till 8 p.m. And there is still no news so I went back in( I will be chase out when 15 min is up and have to re-register. I understand the rationale)

Finally, they told me my dad can be moved to the ward. 

But the worker who is supposed to push the patient up said he is on break and walked off. 

The nurse was a bit embarrassed and was trying rather hard to get someone else.

Actually I am glad that are still a few nurses which I feel really care about the patients, instead of just work. Not judging here, it is occupation hazard, I sometime treat more pupils like "subjects" to get score to fulfilled KPIs too. 

But I can imagine if it was my kin in the room, how ugly would it get. 

The doctor that came at night was different from the one that sees my dad in the morning. But I have no issue with that. 

So, there are real differences as compared to experiences at Private hospital, and expectations of kins made the equation more complicated than just money and comfort/style. 

I am actually quite happy how health care has progress in the public sector. I rememeber the days when I am in JC, almost 20 years ago, when my dad had an appt for operation in the morning but was only operated in the late afternoon. 

He was very weak and was asked to discharged one day after(third day),  and he can't even walked properly. 

I also noticed the bills jumped quite largely from B2 to B1. The difference seem to be the airconditioning.

Why am I writing all these?

Writing is therepuatic. So pardon my ratting. 

Second, when u are not in the right state of mind with anxiety of the unknown, be prepare for "unstable surroundings"

Keep calm, and relax. 

Random thoughts: Life is full of uncertainity (Parroting Howard Marks)

Warning: Low Energy Post

Note: I was alerted that this post was similar to Howard Marks memo, I did read his, but I have no intention of deliberately parroting his. I had this post idea for several days, but perhaps I unintentional did copy his thoughts. I will leave the post as it is. Howard marks memo link can be found in valuebuddies. 

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Just a few days ago, I was wondering aloud how the news reported the sell-off in market as rather amusing. Here are some of the causes of sell-off

Mainly we can traced it to China, and China has the following problems:

1) High Leverage of companies, and the government linked investment vehicles by municipal governments

2) Equity sell-off and hence the apparent policy missteps, and the missteps lead to questions on the competence of the China Team on the broader economy

3) Commodity sell-off and weak prices putting a squeeze on commodity-rich exporting companies

Then we have the oil sell-off that lead to the cut-throat war between OPEC and US shale producers. The low price plus the ongoing political crisis took out the B and the C in the magical BRICs economies

Russia is never the same after Ukraine.

Finally, we have the impending normalization of interest rate that would cause funds outflow from Emerging economies.

And we have old news like Greece default, Koreans tantrum, etc.

It sure look rather gloomy and no light in sight, isn't it.

But I have 2 puzzling thoughts.

1) None of these news that explained causes to the sell-off are hardly "New", as compared to the taper tantrum. With the exception of Koreans tantrums, most are around for many months.

Well, it could be explained by Market Inefficiency that Mr Market has been too optimistic about the troubles and hence only pricing in the risks now.

Now, lets us go back to 2 - 3 crisis. Euro-Crisis, the breakup of Euro will throw the world currency order in disarray. It is uncharted waters. Then the banking crisis that causes liquidity to freeze. 

Commodity low prices keep inflation in check, allowing some monetary tools to be utilized.        

I do not understand why the news are complaining about China's investment lead growth model for years, and now they are trying to transit to service-lead economy with higher reliance on domestic demand, everyone seem so scare of the fall to 6.8%. I now they are clamoring for more stimulus and more domestic debts?

Head you die, tail I win. 

Why is cheap oil bad for consumers? A bedrock of US economy.

I am not saying "what the hell! buy now" I am saying there is unknown unknown in trading/ investment

Can sleep, good enough

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now, just when I am at a high in my personal management, one mishap befall one after another. I can feel my positive energy sapped. Although I still feel rather sturdy. 

I am glad I have "transformed" and I have more mindfulness and keeping my sanity although it is scarily mindful that it is slipping away. 

Smile... 

When others are shaken and behaving irrationally, the beacon stand strong with its untainted energy

Tough time don't last, tough man do. 

When the chill of winter comes to hell, only the fittest resist the bell.

Random thoughts: Managing Anxiety

2 weeks is too short to be called a trend, but I thought keeping anxiety at bay for 2 weeks is no mean feat.

1) Mindset - Fatigue for anxiety
I realized while there are certain areas in my job that I do not like, what really stressed me is not able to meet deadlines and rushing like a mad dog.

For these 2 weeks, I spent more nights handling work matters than I usually would. I no longer insisted that I have proper rest (Wondered why I do that at the first place) at night. I slept slightly later at night (1 hour or more) but cleared more work and prepared my lessons better which gave me joy. That joy countered the guilt of not delivering and reduced stress too.

I no longer think working long hours is "pie mia" (tough life), in fact I am happy that I hold a stable job and have no worry over income even in the long term. Some of my pupils apparently slept later than me, talk about having it tough.

2) Mental exercises
Every morning, I tried to wish everyone well in my mind. It wasn't really easy as I feel that it is not just a verbal/mental exercise but I need to feel the sincerity when I do that. I realize I do that better after I get past the grouchy and tiring initial 30 minutes of the morning, and when I just take a walk and observe the people around me. The school auntie that opens the school gate at 5.30 a.m. (I know because I was in school that early before), the people at the hawker center when I go for breakfast, the bus manager etc. Then I realized "hey, my life is not that bad, just maybe fatigue is the only negative; I draw a good pay, is doing something meaningful in my work. Then I felt I come really wish people good health and wisdom better, having blissful families etc.

I also did mindfulness exercises. One by counting and taking note of breathing, and following the instructions of a follow blogger on breathing tips. The other is when I am eating. I wanted to feel the food at the front of my mouth, being chewed unless thrice before going to the left and right and then repeating the process. I know the food is really thoroughly chewed when I do that. I am losing this mindfulness as the work start flowing in, I noticed I will break quite often and think about this project and that. But I will keep reminding myself.

3) Physical exercises
Beside a jog once a week, I go to the school's chin up bar almost daily, sometime twice a week. In just 2 weeks, it went from once to 5 chin ups. I am not particular about the number, sometimes it dropped back to 2, but I just like the exertion of some muscle strength. Feeling the stretch in the muscle is also mindfulness exercise.

I also hit the stairs and avoid the lift as much as I could, even when carrying pupils' work to level 4.

4) Creating systems
Thanks to Kyith, after chatting with him over at his blog, I realized I am a very disorganized person.
I brought more baskets for storage of different documents and purposes so that I can retrieve that easily. I separate to-do-list post it board with "important information". After making a list of to do list, I would ask myself which 2 are most valuing adding? I will also bring back one "post it" slip home to finish and crush by the end of the night.

I delegate more responsibilities to my staff. Think they need to reduce anxiety soon. I felt that they are really adding value to the whole system now. However I realized that trust is still lacking between me and them. I have been more accepting of my own flaws and I accept that I am a B or C grade leader, in fact, F grade made no difference because because it is about progress. I just want to do my best in earnest and have no regrets. I ready to "move on" when the younger ones are ready.

5) Dietary exercises
I am really losing this one. But I will fight back. I cut down on fried food, drink decaf coffee, eat cereals in the morning and avoid dipping into soya sauce. I cut down also on sweet food. I slim down in 2 weeks, my jeans suddenly felt loose and my belt and be buckled further by 1 notch. I tried my old jeans and it now fit.

Hope my sharing is beneficial to others who might have anxiety issues.

Random thoughts: Annual report 2015 Sillyinvestor INc

Warning: long post! LOL

----------------

Statement from Chairman:

Dear readers, this is the maiden annual report from Sillyinvestor Inc. 2015 has been a good year. The company has very humble beginning and manage a recurring dividends $2718 for 2015. This amount generated from a base of $67420 as of 31Dec mean a yield of 4%. 

This yield is better than the recent Singapore Bonds. 

More importantly, the company make a opportunistic trading gain of $3992.

Taken with the recurring dividend, it yields almost 10%. It would have put some funds into shame. However trading gains is highly volatile and a wild card, the company does not expect such results to recur. 

Outlook:

2016 has started off with a Big Bang! It created a black hole and It is rather dark and gloomy now. The company vested position has now increased to $75340. With this bigger base, the company expect recurring dividends to increase, providing more stability to earnings. However, due to poor market sentiments, the portfolio is only worth $65470, a loss of 13% in portfolio value if the entire portfolio is liquidated now. However, as stamp collector as our aspiration, and a target recurring yield of 6% as our motivation, we see the current environment as an opportunity. However, the company will Never leverage to build up the base, neither will it dips into the CPF OA unless market gives an incredible price. 

We might have made a wrong call and enter the market too early, expending  our ammo. But given the small base, the company believe in building a base as and when it deem fit. Our director, Mike, will contribute to our fund every year after settling his family's comfort and security. So we are not really sitting duck. 

Appreciation to directors and readers:

Sillyinvestor inc like to show its appreciation to its directors. Greenrookie who is a forummer in valuebuddies and Nextinsight, sourcing for investment ideas for the company. Our executive director, Mike, who is also the founder of the company, and a veteran in the government sector, providing fund injection to the company every year. As a corporate Governance disclosure, Mike is a hen-pecked husband and might not provide annual injection, and its parent company is Mike's Wifey Pte Ltd

As for readers, to show appreciation to your support, Sillyinvestor Inc will propose a ... Hey! You are reader, not shareholder, I receive not a single cent from you! So instead of dividends, I give you my electronic hug and kisses, I love all of you! World peace. I need you for my Ad rev which I will explained in operation review segment.

Operation Review:

Dividends chasing

In 2015, we bought into accordia trust and increase positions in sembcorp industries and ST engineering. Sembcorp Industries is the biggest drag in our portfolio value. Although price is much lower now, we do not intent to add into our position to prevent over-exposure risk. But we never say "never", and might nimble when our resources permit.

Accordia Trust really lived up to the Chinese Proverb "天有不测之风云”，bad weather has caused its latest quarter earning to fall and affect investors' sentiments. We believed its growth prospect is intact with its parent dumping   Its assets into this trust sooner or later. Also, we need more time to ascertain if the company is affected by weather or faced more fundamental problem. We will give Accordia Trust the benefit of doubts. 

Prior to Black Monday, was a time we also bought back Ascendas REIT, and Mapletree Industrial Trust as well as CM pacific. With the exception of CM pacific, we are happy that the value of the 2 industrial trusts are holding up well. 

Lee Metals, LMIR and Singshipping are so far giving out dividends as expected.

We also newly invested into Cogent, we have not receive any dividends from the company but we expect at least 2 cents dividneds annually. We hope we are not wrong in our decision. 

Trading:

Dividends chasing and trading is not mutually exclusive. We will readily take 3-4 years of dividends off the table and hold cash if we think the market is giving too good a valuation to the companies we hold.

We sold CM pacific, Ascendas REIT and Sing Shipping for 4, 3 and 7 years of dividends. In hindsight, we are too impatient with Venture, and sold it cheap with only 2.5 years dividends. We bought back Venture in 2016 at a higher price. 

In 2015, Siilyinvestor inc also made an speculative trade into FST, the company believed the company is a beneficiary of the current oil glut situation, as the company has a large portion of revenue generated from Tankers. Tankers rate is in roll in 2015 until it is showing signs of slowdown, but nonetheless still profitable. Also the low oil price means the cost of bunker is low for company. Sillyinvestor inc is in the opinon the company could resume dividend payout later this year. "Could" is not a doubt but company "might not". It is a speculative position because the we do not intent to hold this company for

More than 1 year if there is no new positive development. Sillyinvestor inc will cut loss if no clarity of dividends is given in its annual report. 

We also bought into Gold for the first time. It is a balance of portfolio of sorts and not really for trading, but since it is not generating any dividends, we will park it under trading. 

Online Ad revenue:

This segment is  insignificant. We generate an income of $65 for 2015. 

We believed Adsense will terminate our account sooner or later before we can milk it. 

Social Coporate Responsibility:

With our humble fitting, we contribute monthly to World vision, SASCO and Community Chest, in order of size of donations with Community Chest Contribution insignificant. We adopted 2 children from world Vision. It is our hope that as we grow in stature, we can increase contribution to charity. 

Financial statement:

Our company does not have the resources to employ an accountant. So right now, everything is self-learned and agar agar du.

But below is our financial highlight as of 14 January 2015

Investor relationship:

If you are reading till now, you are my pal. My contact info is on this blog, but seriously, I am not sure why you would want to contact me. 

----------------------------

Footnote: 

Feeling rather pleased with myself after writing this. Lol

Random thoughts: investment indigestion

I have gastric problems.

I eat too fast, and with the food I like, I sometimes eat too much

I didn't notice it applied to my investment appetite too. 

With the market going on a correction, I had already show my hand and more or less cannot take advantage of anymore low prices. I am not touching CPF OA although i already done the paper work.

I bought Venture, and with my small warchest (already utilized earlier) I had nothing left. 

Personally, I regret selling it earlier. I wanted a net cash dividend payer instead of relying of leveraged instruments.

Although the bulk of revenue is from Asia, the majority of customers are From US. US is doing well, venture recovery story is intact. 

Interest has no impact on it.

Currency is its advantages. Costs are mainly in ringgits and sing dollars. 

Customers are diversified. 

Business fundenmental has not changed. I am not sure if market fundenmental will affect its business soon.

Another Counter I asked my wife to add is CM pacific. With its acquistions spree, it is now rather heavily  indebted. 

But is tolls collections going to be affected? I think not. Even if dividends can cut to 6 cents (touch woods) which is already payable with 9 months earnings, its yield is still rather decent and current Price.

Eat slowly. I have health problems

Random thoughts: beneficiary of H&S plan

I have wanted to write this.

In December, my gastric is giving me a lot of troubles. Even if I dun eat, my gastric still hurt, and when I eat, I will be very bloated! 

I lost my craving which usually is quite impossible. I have good appetite even when I am sick.

I wanted to be referred to a specialist because I have been going to GPs on and off for a long time, and the medicine got stronger and stronger but the relief is often short-lived.

The GP told me govt hospital waiting time is quite long, in terms of months. He ask if I am willing to go private. 

At this point of time, I didn't know insirance can cover the gastroscopy and colonoscopy charges.

The doc told me the charges are around 3K. I was quite stunned. He told me it can be cover half by medisave and ask if I have insurance.

Hey! I have !

I was fanatically checking with my sister to see if it covers my procedure.

She get back and said it covers also pre - and post treatment. 

When I was out of the theatre. I was told there was no cancer. The whole process was rather painless but I felt apprehensive at certain point of time. 

I thought everything was ok and even contemplated not returning to see the doctor 2 weeks later. 

I went nonetheless, and was told certain some of my cells "transformed" I ask" you mean mutated to cancer cells" He said "No, that's why I used "transformed", it might lead to the start of development of cancer cells although the probability is not high. He however still propose I be put on long term medication since I had erosive esophagitis.

And the bill?

Everything is so blo** expensive.

But my sister told me it can be claimed too.

While the bill is not crippling, I am glad I didn't scrimp on H& S plan.

Random thoughts: I don't track my losses

Recently, I have conversation about how many % the markets is falling, and portfolio falling by how much.

I ask myself, how much has my portfolio value dropped. I realised I don't have an answer!! 

Yup, I am unique. I have no idea my un/realized profits/loss.

All I know was I bid a day after market falls 70 points, for counters I like. I didn't froze in fear. 1 point/ star for myself.

Reading a lot of bloggers also going in to fish, I didn't manage to get order filled though as market rebounded.

But out of morbid curiosity, I go work out my loss. It is 15% loss of capital excluding dividends. 

I didn't feel I wasted my time since other alternative investment strategies might have a better return with lesser efforts because I realize I enjoy the prosepecting process very much, sometime perhaps just to be proven wrong, I learnt much too. 

The conversation then went on to absolute amount of loss/ profits. My total portfolio dwarf even in the eyes of gain/loss of the other party. 

Strangely this time, the inner demons are real demure. 1 more star. Never scream at me for being useless. 

I bet there are many like me too. Who don't track this and that and also many at the other side. 

As long as it works in your favour.

随心笔：多爱自己

多爱自己。

别问这么多。

对，接受自己。

接受你在别人眼里，可能什么也不是。

让自己活得最精彩，

自己的精彩，

自己彩绘。

可能彩的不是很好。

可能有点灰暗，有点粗躁。

别人的彩虹，

不该留在心中成烙印。

自己的灰暗，

是自己的影子，

看，没有阳光，哪有影子。

对自己好，影子也是热的。

没有能力，可以慢慢磨炼。

出卖自己，就是遗憾。

我的彩虹，雨后出现。

茫茫色彩，很美。

爱自己，欣赏美。

与众不同的美。

它不能像太阳照耀大地，

不能像黑夜让世界宁静。

爱自己，彩虹，不常出现。

孩子喜欢，情人喜欢。

彩虹、影子、自己。 

Random thoughts: cheerleading by focusing on the positives in 2015

Maybe I really need some cheerleading going into 2016. Although I have no 10 baggers or 5/5 scores to share (Lol, poke. Poke ... Sorry I couldn't resist myself)

Perhaps only one thing that kind of fill a "hole" in my heart. I spent more time with my family. Not my wife and son, I always have time for them but my parents and sister. 

I don't really have deep conversation with them but at least I tried to be present. It might seem ridiculous that our parents who nagged at our health can be very "childlike" when left alone, eating only breads for meals and hiding illness from others. At least I know, everytime I am home, a full meal is prepared by my mum and cooked by me. ( I always had the better side of the deal when parents are concerned, who is not)

Given I lived with my in-laws I always have this guilt that I didn't spend enough time with my parents. Given I go home at least twice weekly now, I am feeling more balanced.

I had a hard time thinking of a proud moment or achievement in my work or other areas, but feeble any attempts shall be, I shall still make an attempt

Work.

I am 1.5 years into my new role, the department did well in the national exams, and we won 2 end of year awards for innovation project and improvement to curriculum. (My colleague asked me to smile when I receive the award from my P, inside me, I feeling hollow.)

I network successful and rolled out 2 projects in collaboration with the PSG, and I think win the trust and support of most of them in what I seek to do for the children. It's most heart warming when they come to me and volunteer to do this and that for the children, and ask me if I wanted it. Of course, why not! Anything to make the learning environment a vibrant place. 

I was treated to a meal by my ex-colleague. Was wondering why the sudden "wind" it's because a project I started when I was in the previous school won an MOE award and she felt "obliged" to share the "spoilt"

Investment.

Sell several counters earlier before the correction and manage to get them

Back at a lower price and pocketing the difference as trading gain

(Note this is a cheerleading post and not a review of my portfolio. I write only GOoD things) 

Conclusion:

I could have written a thesis of thousands words of I am to write AFIs. But the start of a year, maybe I will start with a higher note.