Thursday, February 7, 2019

随心笔:害怕

害怕晚上,
害怕下班后到医院去。

那里环境还不错。
但不知道能为父亲做什么。
虽然,哪里有许多人情况比父亲还糟。

害怕停下来。
害怕思绪乱窜。

过年那几天,害怕呆呆呆在家。
也不知道和“亲戚”说什么。
只提醒自己注意当下,
其他的别想。

回到了学校,
好像是我的救命绳,
逗孩子笑,很开心。

看孩子努力,很欣慰。
很期待每个星期四和篮球队的孩子打十五分钟的球。
我怕,去医院,我也有点怕回家。
今天就在课室外,改簿子,
改了就把簿子分类,放在课室。
其实有更快的方法的。
但是,不知道为什么,知道忙完了,
就要到医院去了,
所以很不积极。
只想留在学校。

看看股票,也闷。
听歌听着听着,
会无厘头地想哭 。

买点什么好,让他止痒。

Saturday, February 2, 2019

随心笔:本来

本来以为都习惯了。
以为没感觉了。
怎么都回来了。

突然想哭。
突然想起以前当义工时,
也是推着老人到公园走走。

说说笑笑。
昨天还教我的学生尽情哭。
把不满都抒发。

我原来也会哭。
本来以为无悔,没什么好哭的。

原来有感觉是这种感觉。
到底是在同情他,还是同情自己。

Saturday, January 19, 2019

随心笔:空屋

我回到了我们的家。
我成长的家。
好像想起你还健康时,
拉着你到外头吃饭的情景。
其实,我知道你很累,
但是不想你一直睡。

走过餐桌,你的药还在药盒。
有时怪你为什么没吃药。
也想起你说肚子饿,
半夜起来橇饼干罐。

现在你在医院,
什么食物都说饱,吃不下。
精神不算太坏,
但是不知道能和你说什么。
就只能按按你的脚,希望你舒服一点。

你在医院三周了,
房子空了三周,
那天回去,赫然发现屋外的植物都快枯死了。
我从很阴郁,到没感觉,
这就是他们说的麻木吧。

空空的,很整齐。
空空的,很平静,不像你刚入院前,
忙得头昏脑胀。
我知道你想快点回家,
不过自私的我,在工人还没来前,
器材还没买前,还是挺赞成医院留着你的。

空屋空屋,过年前能热闹起来吗?

Sunday, December 23, 2018

Random thoughts: Looking back at 2018

Looking back at 2018, I have not been effective.

I have not done what I can control. My emotional is on a roller coaster ride due to negative feedback at work, a weaken father, and a non-performing portfolio.

I however, like to give thanks to a supportive wife and a wonderful family.

I was very frustrated caring for my dad. It seem that his capability to take care of his daily needs are getting weaker. Caregiving is getting tougher because his situation does not seem to improve. There are various occasions where I raise my voice at him.

I was very demoralized at work too, but I had written a post on it and I shall not dwell on it any longer. My health checks show my liver is getting worse and I am putting on weight. (hahahaha)

I would like to remind myself of the serenity prayer:

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference."

This quote gave me a different perspective this year. I used to focus on the word, "accept". Now I realize serenity is one important key word that should come together with acceptance. Whatever I do wrong, whatever makes me unhappy, I would like to wash it away every night in a bath, and not bring it with me.

The courage to change things, depends a lot of mindfulness. Mindfulness clear the mind on what is possible, and provide the focus and clarity.

I am very fortunate to meet a teacher who advice me for 2 hours on how to move forward, and I feel lighten by the burden. My dad situation did not improve but I have not raise my voice and become my patience. 

I thank god for a testing 2018 to strengthen me, although I might have fail the test, I will continue to see how best I can to move forward. 

Merry Christmas to all, may your 2018 makes you wiser and stronger for 2019

Wednesday, December 19, 2018

Random thoughts: APTT and First Reit

A lot have been said about these 2 counters. I just want to share some findings that I think is not yet cover by bloggers (to my best knowledge)

Let's start with APTT:
1) With the new dividends of 1.2 cents, and assume Capex of 75 Mio and Interest and tax expenses to remain constant, APTT will have a buffer of 4 to 8 Mio after Dividends from their generated cash flow. Good, dividends more or less safe.

2) APTT growth if any, can only come from broadband. Pay TV in Taiwan is not exactly the same as Singapore. Even streaming need Broadband.
They claim they have cost advantage, and they are able to offer  their customers better speed without extra cost. I decide to investigate more.

I believe this is a important part of the business. Yet
https://www.cht.com.tw/en/home/cht/messages/2018/en-msg-181116-121200
I find Chung Hwa broadband rate highly competitive. Their is hardly any cost advantage.

3) I found this review very disturbing.

https://www.google.com/search?client=ms-android-xiaomi&hl=en-GB&v=8.65.4.21.arm64&output=search&q=TBC信和有線電視&ludocid=10826391245477538435&ibp=gwp;0,7&kgs=c45d337e764dfacd&shndl=-1&source=sh/x/kp/local&entrypoint=sh/x/kp/local

While bad review or mix review is common, j have not seen any review that bad. If what is complained is true, it says volume of their product quality and why they didn't make much headway into Taichung after winning the license for 2 years

I had initially wanted to add more the day it went XD. After researching, I sold all instead. I am happy to have avoid a otherwise 10 percent drop in matters of days and I exited losing only Commission after dividends.

First Reit:
1) From lippo K announcement:
LPKR has successfully delivered on its asset divestment plan with the completion of the sale of First REIT Manager and a partial sale of its First REIT shares generating IDR 2.2 trillion in proceeds. Together with the upcoming imminent asset divestments, the Company will raise in excess of IDR 6 trillion in net cash.  
This will allow LPKR to further strengthen its liquidity position allowing it to meet with certainty all debt repayments including the US$75 million unsecured bonds due in June 2020; as such, the next maturity event for LPKR would not be until 2022.

That is already about 150 mio USD from 2.2 trillion. So any risk of default should come earliest 2022.

2) Asset Dumping (speculation)

The latest 9 MTH report from siloam hospitals show they turn loss to net profits.Also the lease cost is in single digit of operating cost.
(Look at footnote 36 and the numbers in liability)
Even if Siloam want to cut some cost, the lease will be the least that bothers them.
It is also unlikely OUELH will p/dump Japan nursing homes to FR like what a analyst suggest. Because that's the only thing left in its portfolio that is not toxic. (Not including the new Greenfield development projects)

I wanted to add more if there is price weakness, if not I will wait for rights issue to add.



Wednesday, December 12, 2018

Random thoughts: 2018 work review- A midlife crisis

2018 is a difficult year for me. I will just talk about work in this post.

This is the 4th year in my appointment. It is a difficult year as I have to manage many staff having issues at work. While I have genuinely tried to help all, I think only 2 turn out well.

This is the worst year in terms of results, I think most of my staff have put in their best. To be honest, I do think with such bad records and having so many years into the job, I really need to take a hard look at my approach and admits something is wrong.

I am not quite sure what is wrong, but while I have tried to change approach, the change in approach is in direct conflict with my beliefs. It's fine if readers think I am a sore loser or I am eating sour grapes, but I decided to step aside for someone with a different approach. I am really looking forward to 1 year transistion period where I will slowly hand over my work. I told my boss about my intentions and she supported my choice. The only spanner is she is leaving soon, but she told me she will let the new boss know.

Frankly speaking, this year high is when I think I gain the trust of a staff who had wanted to leave and when unable to, is feeling very sour.

The low point is, for all my efforts to reach out to my people, which is very exhausting, I was told and hinted that I indulge my officers and I have built a culture that is not productive. I really felt insulted when I heard this, but I realise I not too sure if I know of alternative way. That is also an important reason that I think I should step aside.

This year, I really give all my best to my pupils in order for them to do well in PSLE. This year is the first time I think I balance hoping they do well so I do well in my KPI and also genuinely hope they progress well in exam. For my part, my pupils did better than I expected. While it might not be exceed expectations, I think it is very good. For all the pupils that would in normal circumstances be streamed to take Foundation level of the subject, i manage to turn around most. In fact, many manage a B, more than a pass.

The nights listening to the oral, marking their assignments seem worth it. But, in my boss eyes, I done all these at the expense of my staff and department needs.

I really agree with her assessment, and can only come to the conclusion that I have a capacity problem. I cannot help my pupils and my teachers at the same time. When given a choice, I choose pupils, and my class pupils.

It's quite embrassing, but I am quite happy that my class pupils do well so much that the the level do not do well (the other spectrum of A, my job is to help the weakest pupils pass) , it did not bother me as much. As a friend jest, I need to have 大爱,I am responsible for more than just my pupils. Indeed, my job scope require me to monitor the whole school pupils performance in my subject area. This is another marker that I am a misfit in my job.

In all honesty, I would rather go out at a high, and not because of realisation that I do a bad job. But I guess no point killing my passion for teaching for doing something that I don't like. I know stepping aside with have adverse effect on my career progression. I am glad my wife supported my decision. I am mindful that after I step aside, it might be a slippery slope down, but I will take what come a step at a time. Right now, I will just focus on doing the job as best as I could for another year before I move on with or without my superiors blessing. I am 40 next year. Mid life crisis start early for me.

Sunday, November 25, 2018

Random thoughts: Sickness

Is the holidays. I usually get very sick when the term break is here.

The funny thing is, beyond the obvious physical discomfort, I actually feel more at peace. I could have guilt free and care free rest, and the people around me are more understanding. When I fell asleep with newspapers around the room, my wife just picked them up without nagging. When I slept and slept, it didnt feel like I am wasting time.

When I brought my dad out for dinner, I had the most relaxing moments with my dad, soaking in the christmas atmosphere at the restaurant. Even when something unpleasant happened that required a lot of cleaning up, I felt my frustration is lower than usual.

I made me wonder seriously about 2 things.

1) Sickness could be managed suffering and it dun have to be all dark and painful, especially with loved ones around.

2) I should really get a change in scope in my job. Not sure how fast and how much things will change with a new boss, but I am very sure now, my job is eating too much of me. The non pupils related part of the work is toxic to me. One man poison could be one man meat. I am not judging,just felt its time to move on if a circle can't fit a square hole.

Anyway, there are counters in stock market is not in good health.

The Lippo Family of Reit is one. Anyone interested in getting FR, I would advise to wait for annoucement of acquisition aka dumping and rights issue.

Lippo mall dumping is always done quite ruthlessly, except for the Kemang Village deal (IIRC the name of the integrated development). FR might fare better, but look at the deal when it appear, there is no need to rush to buy.

Keppel Infrastructure Trust is always trading at above 8 percent yield with another yield Accretive purchase in the pipeline ( I am looking at the discount factor) of rights to buy.

My style of investment, as someone from IN said, is turnaround value play or cyclical play. I am not too sure if it is a accurate assessment, but I am not too concerned about the name.

It Seems just like managed sickness too. It doesn't has to be pure suffering. TheIR could be some peace and panadol of owning it as we wait for the recovery.

Companies that are sick which are in my radar for acquisition or accumulation include:

1) APPT
2) SIA engineering
3) QAF
4) FR
5) KIT
6) Singpost
7) Sembcorp

As with all sickness, some has already taken medicine (aka APPT), some have been resting for a while, some has been hit by the seasonal flu. They might not recover to the best of health just like all illness weaken our body.

Please take note that being around with sick people increased the probability of u falling sick, and where precautions aka risk management ia possible, it is not something u might want to do given a choice.

I just feel that I wouldn't use my sickness as a excuse for absence of caregiving since the doctor just say be careful and wear a mask.

My break, if it has to be given via a sickness, so be it.