Most readers would know I used to blogged at wordpress
I came over so that I could apply for Adsense, although I need to wait 6 months, I decided against going for other options as I believe "good things are worth waiting for"
I also thought of increasing viewership/ readership for the 6 months would be a good idea. I thought if I do regular company prospecting, my radar expands, my posts frequency increase, my readership increase, and Volia, It is a Win- Win situation.
I am aware the advertisement fees if any, in the end, would most probably in just tens of dollars, perhaps in a year? I simply just like the challenge, and took it up.
I didn't realized it has such a profound impact on me. Blogging has help me internalize and crystallize my thoughts, I am glad I once again face my inner demons:
1) salesman mode
I realized I have been going around blogs to leave a comment, I do not leave comment for comment sake, but I do know I would otherwise not go beyond 3-4 regular blogs and only read blog post that particularly interest me in aggregation sites.
I find myself questioning a lot more when I comments, or write a post. When in the past, it is WT......, I just write how I feel. Now I can get this nagging feeling the stupid pursuit of a challenge that is so not monetary rewarding is affecting my "voice". I noticed it, I do not like it.
Silly it may sound, I actually check my "stat" quite frequently now, and also which are the posts that generated more reads. In a few months, I sort of get a sense of what "posts" are more in demand than others, in the past, I didn't even bother. Commercialization is not a bad thing, but I think I am not managing it properly or internalizing it properly.
I also spend more time facing the wall of glass panel (iphone), checking if someone leave a comment, some bloggers actually replied it, did I write in another way that is offensive.
Finally, I realized I lost the most important ingredient in my writing, the voice is that of "honesty", not that I write about any mistruths or distort any information, but I stop asking "why I feel like this, and what really is my thoughts and feelings" on this matter, in fact, it became, will this post be popular? What classification of post is this? Am I writing about interest, will readers just think that I am pulling a fast one on them. In fact, when I write the "number world" story, I was very excited, I enjoy it. But it is of lowest readership. It affect the writing mode. Sad, isn't it. Not the low numbers, but how my passion is determined by a meaningless numbers. Money is number, although it has more meaning. LOL
Nonsense. I even thought of reviving wordpress. I reminded myself, it is not the platform, I do not need a wordpress to declare I am not doing it for money anymore. I always use my investing experience/ insights in my workplace, for once, my experience in my workplace come to place. It is not the tool, it is the person behind it that make all the difference. The HQ is trying to give us all the tools so that we find the right one and flourish, but many end up using the tool for the sake of using it.
My discomfort, has nothing to do with the tool. Returning to the basic is better. I will not give up on the challenge, I would like to see my blog being approved by Adsense in 6 months, it is also but another tool. Forget numbers, just remember why I write.