Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Random thoughts - curbing anger

I have a anger management problem.

No, I am usually fun loving, and have no problem mixing and connecting with different people, although I never like parties or crowds. Staff dinner? Family day? Please count me out. But I believe in my purest honesty that I am approachable and generally nice to people.

But when I flare up, it is very intense. I don't care WTF u are anymore. Although I will never resort to violence or yet to, smashing things around do happen.

It seldom happen, but when it does, there is plenty of clearing of mess to do, I am not talking about physical mess.

We usually have the most anger for people closest to us. Because they are the ones that we cannot just ignore, they are the ones whom we give our very best most of the times, that's why we can accept unreasonable demands from boss, but get upset when we receive it from our closed ones. At least it is true for me.

I did some deep soul searching, and have come to the following understanding of matters.

1) Arrogance precede anger. I had a smooth career path in recent years, everything is going well, investing is doing fine, although my results is dismayed by others benchmarks, it did not bother me, I feel I am more intelligent that others, wiser than others as I defuse quite a few conflicts at work, think I know more than others. So , ever wondered why u never smash something at your boss office? U may not respect the boss, but most would not show arrogance in front of him, the fact that he is higher there would keep u in check. Accord your loved ones the respect u would to your bosses.

2) arguments can never be pleasant, and will be totally unfair or false. So seek to persuade, convince, not agrue.

3) It does not matter what is said of u, keep that pure heart as much as possible, whatever unfairness, whatever evil actions of adding oil to fire, let it be. Make sure you dun burn yourself, karma works in strange way, respect it.

4) last, apologized sincerely. There are underlying matters to be addressed, addressed them later, dun make an impulsive decision, most of the time, it is the wrong one, since u are feeling miserable, angry, confused and betrayed all at the same time.

5) look at the big picture, look at the person and not what is said or done. Talking is a art, that's why we can sell 60 years condo in the name of retirement and sell it like hot cakes. Loved ones dun always switch on a sale pitch mode whenever we talk, it might be desirable but just too tiring. Look beyond the words and actions. If there is something that really need to be change, discuss it, come to a census when everything calm down

6) guard against the evil of vengeance, at the heat of the black face, nasty words, it is easier for us to have thoughts like "I will make you pay", "see what awaits u"... It might be inevitable, but dun let it grow.

7) know what calm you down. Work? Beach? Friends? Talk to different people, not just good friends who most prob also see things at your angle( your same frequency is what make u close friends at the first place, talk to people u can trust) for me, a temple visit calm me down a bit.

8) continue to be kind, regardless how worthless it might seem at times. I am glad I have different friends guiding me to the right path step by step.

For someone with anger management problem to give advice on anger management is like a patient treating another patient, a loser teaching someone how to invest ( oops sound a bit like me), but Internet allow free speech and thoughts, and anyone can let off some steams. So pardon me.

5 comments:

  1. Hi Silly Investor ,

    I don't think you have serious anger management problem from the way you phrase your article. At least you don't seem like one who will flare up abruptly ( this one certainly is serious anger management :x )

    Coming to this article post , i can relate to you as i faced this problem , not with closed ones but more on working colleagues. Considering we are on a customer service line.

    Imagine yourself in a well , it's fine if the person don't throw a rope to help you , but still throws rocks and stones at you . ( Working as a team and mced on the busiest days , transferring calls from his to yours, and he is a senior and 2 times of age.)

    Somtimes i wondered is it one get more shameful behind the "scene" as one ages ?

    Haha time to move on i guess , anyway just a rant and great post !

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  2. silly investor,

    Interesting hearing you talk to yourself out loud.

    Change only starts with admitting we have an anger management problem. And you did. That's manly of you.

    What you have describe is what happens after the mess...

    Awareness is knowing you are going to blow.

    Wisdom is knowing whether to let it go or to let it blow.

    I believe you have seen good leaders let it blow at the right time, at the right place, and at the right circumstance. There is a time for everything.

    And there is also time to let it go.

    Let it go has 2 faces.

    The I am weak, meek, I am afraid face.

    And the I am strong and confident face.


    Let it blow may not be weakness; let it go may not be strength either.

    You have the wisdom: "look at the big picture, look at the person and not what is said or done"

    Hey! I just posted a song at my blog. Want to listen?

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  3. Hi STI,

    Well workplace bullying is definitely a problem, I have not faced it myself, so I have no comments.

    I have my fair share of buay Zai or kNS colleagues, but I have the option to avoid, I blow my top at them sometimes, or show my displeasure, but we can usually just walk off and come back again ... Work place is easier since we are still working, it's ok to fight back or flip face sometime.

    But at home, it is different ...

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  4. Thanks Jared for your kind words. I heard that song before, when I first use it, I keeping hearing ho e si(let it die)

    Haha, maybe I have sadist gene

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  5. remember this, our children is watching, hearing and learning from us.

    ReplyDelete