I have a anger management problem.
No, I am usually fun loving, and have no problem mixing and connecting with different people, although I never like parties or crowds. Staff dinner? Family day? Please count me out. But I believe in my purest honesty that I am approachable and generally nice to people.
But when I flare up, it is very intense. I don't care WTF u are anymore. Although I will never resort to violence or yet to, smashing things around do happen.
It seldom happen, but when it does, there is plenty of clearing of mess to do, I am not talking about physical mess.
We usually have the most anger for people closest to us. Because they are the ones that we cannot just ignore, they are the ones whom we give our very best most of the times, that's why we can accept unreasonable demands from boss, but get upset when we receive it from our closed ones. At least it is true for me.
I did some deep soul searching, and have come to the following understanding of matters.
1) Arrogance precede anger. I had a smooth career path in recent years, everything is going well, investing is doing fine, although my results is dismayed by others benchmarks, it did not bother me, I feel I am more intelligent that others, wiser than others as I defuse quite a few conflicts at work, think I know more than others. So , ever wondered why u never smash something at your boss office? U may not respect the boss, but most would not show arrogance in front of him, the fact that he is higher there would keep u in check. Accord your loved ones the respect u would to your bosses.
2) arguments can never be pleasant, and will be totally unfair or false. So seek to persuade, convince, not agrue.
3) It does not matter what is said of u, keep that pure heart as much as possible, whatever unfairness, whatever evil actions of adding oil to fire, let it be. Make sure you dun burn yourself, karma works in strange way, respect it.
4) last, apologized sincerely. There are underlying matters to be addressed, addressed them later, dun make an impulsive decision, most of the time, it is the wrong one, since u are feeling miserable, angry, confused and betrayed all at the same time.
5) look at the big picture, look at the person and not what is said or done. Talking is a art, that's why we can sell 60 years condo in the name of retirement and sell it like hot cakes. Loved ones dun always switch on a sale pitch mode whenever we talk, it might be desirable but just too tiring. Look beyond the words and actions. If there is something that really need to be change, discuss it, come to a census when everything calm down
6) guard against the evil of vengeance, at the heat of the black face, nasty words, it is easier for us to have thoughts like "I will make you pay", "see what awaits u"... It might be inevitable, but dun let it grow.
7) know what calm you down. Work? Beach? Friends? Talk to different people, not just good friends who most prob also see things at your angle( your same frequency is what make u close friends at the first place, talk to people u can trust) for me, a temple visit calm me down a bit.
8) continue to be kind, regardless how worthless it might seem at times. I am glad I have different friends guiding me to the right path step by step.
For someone with anger management problem to give advice on anger management is like a patient treating another patient, a loser teaching someone how to invest ( oops sound a bit like me), but Internet allow free speech and thoughts, and anyone can let off some steams. So pardon me.