Friday, March 16, 2018

Random thoughts: Emotions and state of mind

This last 2 weeks has been a real roller coaster ride for me, both emotional and physically. Which is really baffling because my dad condition is getting stable and he is somewhat stronger. It is the holiday and I supposedly should have a slower pace at work. I shall not bored u with the details of what happened, but after anxiety attacks again (gone for a long while) and feeling unhappy, I stand to understand the following:

1) letting the guard down
Throughout the term, I am working on "fighter/survivor" mode. There are times where I can't really keep my eyes open but I carried on for my pupils, and feel satisfied with myself and the work done.

Because it is the holidays, I told myself having the night doing nothing will be great rest, but I somewhat do not feel discharged but rather felt very bad tempered with the amount of work still waiting for me to be done. The fact that I couldn't spend some time with my family on weekdays afternoon as my wife brought them out to the science center also affected me and made me sour about what I am doing.

Instead of feeling relaxed, I felt fustratation.

2) Relative Pain
Throughout the term, I have no problem working hard, as I see all those I respect also slogging for their charges. However, during the holiday, when I see Facebook photos of my colleagues overseas recharging I felt very short-changed. It seems that my cultivation level is still very low.

Towards the end of holiday that feeling of frustration get stronger and stronger.

So, what can be done.

I am not too sure about operating at "survivor " mode 24/7. I believe it will eat into our souls. Let's be honest, when u are in survivor mode, u are highly focused and effective, but you block out a lot of things that might not threatened short term survivability, I personally do not think it's a good thing.

But I do see 2 things that do help me with anxiety attacks.

1) Kindness? When I think about what I can do for my pupils, my frustration is reduced by half. It is stressful but the energy is different. Frustration and disatifaction is highly negative.

2) Acceptance. The fact that a relative easier week instead of recharging me, cause me grief, is due to me comparing with others. I would not accept that I am different from others yet can be happy.

Yesterday, I was deadbeat after a short badminton session with my son (he is still a novice btw, so it's not a tough session)

But when I am closing my eyes while sitting on the sofa at night, he suddenly came to my side and turn on the u-tube to listen to the pop that I liked. I simply enjoy the magical 30 minutes or so, just listening to music and talking about which songs is better with my son. Who need to go overseas, as long as we accept our own circumstances and not let grudge and greed prevent us from being happy.

May u be happy. I understood how it felt to want to escape, the normal poison of FIRE to quit my job was quite intense. But FIRE is not solution in the case

I was thinking to myself, perhaps "survivor mode" might not be that bad afterall

29 comments:

  1. It is how many conceive the spark or idea of FIRE in their mind! :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But I know now how it felt like when a job is so consuming that u realise your pay is not even worth it ... Lol

      Delete
    2. VICTIM OF SCAMS BUT NOW A VICTOR THROUGH JOSH LOANS FINANCIAL SERVICE joshloancompany@gmail.com OR +1(215)-874-8060

      Helen Truong is my name from 1731 Hilltop Haven Drive, Red Bank, NJ 07701 USA. It lifts my heart to actually use this medium to save innocent people who would have fallen into the wrong hands in quest to obtain an online loan. With all humility I want to personally warn all online loan seekers to be very careful while trying to get a loan, because it is no news that scammers are rampant everywhere all over the internet claiming to offer loan. I was a victim before now and I solemnly hope that you are a victor if you care to take my word of advise. Few months ago I was financially strained, and due to my desperation I was scammed by several online lenders. All hope was nearly lost until a co-employee suggested 'JOSH LOANS FINANCIAL SERVICE' an online reliable and trustworthy lender for me, as I was almost at the edge of taking my life considering a loss of about $83,000; As God would have it, I applied for a loan from 'Josh Loans Financial Service' under Cynthia's (co-employee) recommendation and WOW in less than 72 working hours I got a credit alert confirming that my account has been credited with the loan fund of $220,000.00 which i originally requested. If after loosing much God has shown me light with the help of 'JOSH LOANS FINANCIAL SERVICE', you too without doubt can as well obtain a loan from this reputable lending institution. IN ALL, if you, your relation or any closed person desperately need a loan, DO CONTACT or help that soul to communicate with JOSH LOANS FINANCIAL SERVICE via email on joshloancompany@gmail.com OR text/call them on +1(215)-874-8060

      Delete
    3. EDWARD JONES FINANCE IS THE BEST PLACE TO GET A LOAN {Jonesloanfinance@yahoo.com},
      God bless you sir, I will not stop telling the world about your kindness in my life, I am a single mum with kids to look after. My name is Emily Thomas and I am from Convention Center Drive, Miami Beach, FL . A couple of weeks ago My friend visited me and along our discussion she told me about EDWARD JONES FINANCE, that they can help me out of my financial situation, I never believed cause I have spend so much money on different loan lenders who did nothing other than running away with my money. I have been in a financial mess for the pass 7 months now, She advised I give it a try so I mailed him and explain all about my financial situation to him, he therefore took me through the loan process and gave me a loan of $390,000.00 at a very low interest rate of 2% and today I am a proud business owner and can now take good care of my kids, If you must contact any firm to get any amount of loan you need with a low interest rate of 2% and better repayment schedule, please contact EDWARD JONES FINANCE email:- {Jonesloanfinance@yahoo.com} OR Text +1(307) 217-5388

      ....

      Delete
    4. I'M NOW FULFILL FINANCIALLY BECAUSE OF THE LOAN I GOT FROM UPSTOX FUNDING INC.{ upstoxfunding@yahoo.com }

      I would like to bring this to the notice of the public about how i came in contact with Upstoxfunding INC after i lost my job and being denied loan by my bank and other financial institution due to my credit score. I could not pay my children's fees. I was behind on bills, about to be thrown out of the house due to my inability to pay my rent, It was during this period my kids were taken from me by foster care. Then i set out to seek for funds online where i lost $3,670 that i borrowed from friends which i was rip off by two online loan companies. Until i read about: ( upstoxfunding@yahoo.com ) somewhere on the internet, Still wasn't convince because of what i have been through until a relative of mine who is a clergy also told me about the ongoing loan scheme of Upstoxfunding at a very low interest rate of 2% and lovely repayment terms without penalty for default of payment. I have no choice than to also contact them which i did through text (302) 273-5794.That day was the best and greatest day of my life which can never be forgotten when i receive a credit alert of $124,000Usd loan amount i applied for. I utilized the loan effectively to pay up my debts and to start up a business and today i and my kids are so happy and fulfill. You can as well contact them through email: upstoxfunding@yahoo.com OR call or text their helpline: (302) 273-5794. Why am i doing this? I am doing this to save as many that are in need of a loan not to be victim of scams on the internet. Thanks and God bless you all, I'm Wendy Ryan from Arizona, United States.

      Delete
    5. DO NOT KEEP YOUR FINANCIAL BURDEN TO YOURSELF CONTACT US NOW FOR ANY KIND OF LOAN AT A LOW INTEREST OF 2%.( prosperloanfirm@yahoo.com )

      Our loans are well insured for maximum security is our priority, Our leading goal is to help you get the service you deserve, Our Loan program is the quickest. We give out loan in any currency of your choice {Us Dollar, pounds, Euro, Dinar, etc} and duration of 1 to 60 years to pay back the loan (secure and unsecured).

      Do you need any kind of loan and have low credit score, Have you find it difficult to get loans
      from local banks and other financial institutions? solution to your financial problem is PROSPER LOAN FIRM. The terms and conditions are very reasonable and considerate.

      We offer a wide range of financial services which includes: Xmas Loans, Business Loans, Debt Consolidation Loans, Personal Loans, Car loans, Hotel loans, Student loans, Home Refinancing Loans with low interest rate @2% per annul for individuals, companies and corporate bodies.

      Interested applicants should Contact us via email: prosperloanfirm@yahoo.com OR call/text +1(816) 366-8769 . Apply and be free from financial bondage.

      Delete
  2. 别忘了,给自己一点掌声,因为你很棒
    偶尔发泄一下,让自己好过
    别强迫自己,不需要一直 survivor mode,
    想玩想睡,就去吧,你会比较开心
    放纵够了再回来
    一定要开心地生活
    KW

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. KW,

      我有的时候想放纵,却也不行。因为时限是不能改的,放纵后更加赶,不是更划不来。没事,真的不行了,就说再见。

      Delete
    2. 船到桥头自然直
      一切会好的
      笑一笑

      Delete
  3. Sillyinvestor,

    I see you know how to heal yourself ;)

    Have fun ownself treat ownself!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Smol,

      Like real, if I can really own self treat own self, I won't be venting online here ... I not wolverine.

      Hope like what anon says, the passage of time make everything good again

      Delete
    2. Silyinvestor,

      What do you call this?

      "I was thinking to myself, perhaps "survivor mode" might not be that bad afterall"

      LOL!

      You har!


      Delete
    3. Du .really think survivor mode is a good mode, but it is a great Bo bian mkde

      Delete
  4. Hi Sir, you are a nice guy and you are not alone. Keep up the good work and everything will fall into place with the passage of time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmm Anon,

      Do I know u? Thanks for your encouragement, I kind of need it .. lol

      Hope u are coping well, since I assume u mean u are like me when u say I am not alone.

      Maybe seeing my kids will make me feel better

      Delete
    2. Hi, though I do not know you, I kinda identify with you well through your posts. Things will work out well eventually. Being a bystander, I feel maybe you can take a step back to look at the issues from another point of view. Maybe start from the basics, to build up the foundations first. My apologies if I did not sound right or not provide the correct analysis. Good luck & all the best!

      Delete
    3. No worries, thanks for the concern. Yup, trying to figure what is the right and most efreffect way all the time. Thanks for your concern

      Delete
  5. Hi SI,

    There was a period of time where I 3wd in survival mode too. Cheong all the way in my work to save more. But I was very unhappy and it shows in other areas of my life. These days, I work even harder but I'm feeling happy. So what changed? I think as you've mentioned, acceptance and gratefulness helps a lot. I think in ur case, with colleagues, there is always situation where u have green eyes filled with envy. I'm luckier I guess, because I'm only me and myself haha :)

    I'm sure you'll pull out of your tough situation. Take a break yourself and don't feel guilty about it. If you break down, you can't continue doing the good fight anyway. So help yourself first :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi LP,

      That is when how we daily cultivate ourselves show, acceptance and gratefulness is not a switch we can simply switch on ...

      To be honest, those 2 feelings are seriously lacking these 2 weeks.

      Since u are working harder, are u in survivor mode too? I doubt it ? Maybe I just need my dose interacting with kids

      Delete
  6. Hi SI,

    Strangely, no. In the past, I worked hard, but I was unhappy. After I recalibrate and found my equilibrium, I worked even harder now but felt nothing. Most things are just in the mind. I guess my mental state in the past and now is different, so I don't feel I'm working harder now, even though in comparison to the past, I am.

    It's really just the story we tell ourselves when things happen to us.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can understand what u are trying to say, during term time, I felt ok as spirit is high. Guess there is a point we hit threshold.

      Anyway, it didn't kill me. When I survive this, I will be stronger

      Delete
  7. Hi Sillyinvestor

    I feel for you and hear you when you talk about anxiety. For me, work can be very stressful and so too trading. Can imagine if you add on problems happening to your loved ones, the combination can kill. From my experience,it's matter of finding what would work for you and for me it was doing meditation and staying active and eating well - these things add up like a bank account and even if stressful things hit you, because you have a "positive" bank account they somehow end up not hitting as badly.
    Hope you can tide over this difficult period - good things and bad things, they both never last!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi SG trader,

      Thanks a lot for your cencern, appreciate it ... Yes, it is a threshold, if a combination hits ...

      For me, it seems getting to the thick of it insurivor mode work best lol

      Delete
  8. VICTIM OF SCAMS BUT NOW A VICTOR THROUGH JOSH LOANS FINANCIAL SERVICE joshloancompany@gmail.com OR +1(215)-874-8060

    Helen Truong is my name from 1731 Hilltop Haven Drive, Red Bank, NJ 07701 USA. It lifts my heart to actually use this medium to save innocent people who would have fallen into the wrong hands in quest to obtain an online loan. With all humility I want to personally warn all online loan seekers to be very careful while trying to get a loan, because it is no news that scammers are rampant everywhere all over the internet claiming to offer loan. I was a victim before now and I solemnly hope that you are a victor if you care to take my word of advise. Few months ago I was financially strained, and due to my desperation I was scammed by several online lenders. All hope was nearly lost until a co-employee suggested 'JOSH LOANS FINANCIAL SERVICE' an online reliable and trustworthy lender for me, as I was almost at the edge of taking my life considering a loss of about $83,000; As God would have it, I applied for a loan from 'Josh Loans Financial Service' under Cynthia's (co-employee) recommendation and WOW in less than 72 working hours I got a credit alert confirming that my account has been credited with the loan fund of $220,000.00 which i originally requested. If after loosing much God has shown me light with the help of 'JOSH LOANS FINANCIAL SERVICE', you too without doubt can as well obtain a loan from this reputable lending institution. IN ALL, if you, your relation or any closed person desperately need a loan, DO CONTACT or help that soul to communicate with JOSH LOANS FINANCIAL SERVICE via email on joshloancompany@gmail.com OR text/call them on +1(215)-874-8060

    ReplyDelete
  9. EDWARD JONES FINANCE IS THE BEST PLACE TO GET A LOAN {Jonesloanfinance@yahoo.com},
    God bless you sir, I will not stop telling the world about your kindness in my life, I am a single mum with kids to look after. My name is Emily Thomas and I am from Convention Center Drive, Miami Beach, FL . A couple of weeks ago My friend visited me and along our discussion she told me about EDWARD JONES FINANCE, that they can help me out of my financial situation, I never believed cause I have spend so much money on different loan lenders who did nothing other than running away with my money. I have been in a financial mess for the pass 7 months now, She advised I give it a try so I mailed him and explain all about my financial situation to him, he therefore took me through the loan process and gave me a loan of $390,000.00 at a very low interest rate of 2% and today I am a proud business owner and can now take good care of my kids, If you must contact any firm to get any amount of loan you need with a low interest rate of 2% and better repayment schedule, please contact EDWARD JONES FINANCE email:- {Jonesloanfinance@yahoo.com} OR Text +1(307) 217-5388

    ....

    ReplyDelete
  10. We offer:
    Loans for trucks, trailers, tractors, boats, car purchase and personal reason.
    Business startup and other types of loans are available.

    We are dedicated in providing alternative funding options to those that don't fit into the conventional lending system.

    If you are interested in getting a loan text me or contact me so we can proceed with getting you approved and funded.

    WhatsApp:+1 404 400 4210
    info@fordcreditcentre.com
    fordcreditcentre@gmail.com
    www.fordcreditcentre.com

    ReplyDelete
  11. DO NOT KEEP YOUR FINANCIAL BURDEN TO YOURSELF CONTACT US NOW FOR ANY KIND OF LOAN AT A LOW INTEREST OF 2%.( prosperloanfirm@yahoo.com )

    Our loans are well insured for maximum security is our priority, Our leading goal is to help you get the service you deserve, Our Loan program is the quickest. We give out loan in any currency of your choice {Us Dollar, pounds, Euro, Dinar, etc} and duration of 1 to 60 years to pay back the loan (secure and unsecured).

    Do you need any kind of loan and have low credit score, Have you find it difficult to get loans
    from local banks and other financial institutions? solution to your financial problem is PROSPER LOAN FIRM. The terms and conditions are very reasonable and considerate.

    We offer a wide range of financial services which includes: Xmas Loans, Business Loans, Debt Consolidation Loans, Personal Loans, Car loans, Hotel loans, Student loans, Home Refinancing Loans with low interest rate @2% per annul for individuals, companies and corporate bodies.

    Interested applicants should Contact us via email: prosperloanfirm@yahoo.com OR call/text +1(816) 366-8769 . Apply and be free from financial bondage.

    ReplyDelete
  12. What's the essence of trying to get a loan when actually there is a way you can make more money now with just a Blank ATM card? if you need one do not hesitate to contact these hackers on this email: phantomghostatmhacker101@yahoo.com also good at other types of geeking.

    ReplyDelete