Wednesday, March 21, 2018

Random thoughts: Survivor mode 24/7

This is a continuity of my previous post.

I was wondering what SMOL and LP said in the comment section and I start to understand why I felt like that during the holidays.

Purpose. Able to answer "Why am I doing this?" When the going gets tough.

The last 2 days are crazy. I skipped lunch, worked non stop except for dinner until midnight. I am deadbeat today. Frustration, yes it's still there. There is even some tightness in the chest.

But when I see my pupils, suddenly the Why answered itself. I am doing this so that they can pass PSLE, so that those that suffered from inferior complex can build confidence and say "I can", so the few hungry enough for success, I give them a real shot at success and going to secondary school.

For the lazy, I spurred them to work. So that they can help themselves. I am so surprised when I make good my threat that I will look for them during lunch break to finish up their work, they are quite willing to do it. I really do not wish to take their break away from them unless really necessary.  But these supposedly "lazy" pupils just took their pens and follow, very unlike pupils from better class.

The why makes it less painful.

The biggest irony is I am so deadbeat that I can't prepare to teach my son properly or even teach at all

20 comments:

  1. Hi SMOL,

    A wise lady told me when I was a young upstart tutor. She told me that she wishes that her students get whatever grades they deserves, and hope that one particular student don't get an A. I was a bit puzzled back then, so she explained to me that that if she did get an A, she will be rewarded for the wrong reasons, and things will wind up getting worse for her. Truth be told, she really got an A, went to a good school and suffered greatly.

    I had since seen many such cases where a student got a grade that are not ready for and ended up being worse. Whatever happiness they got from getting an A is momentarily, but the suffering from getting into a good school is much worse...4 yrs.

    After that, I am no longer anal about students getting A. In the long run, it doesn't matter and I'm not so filled with hubris that I can say I know what's best for them. Truth is that I don't know, and we're all trying to figure out in the blind. I guess the best thing I can do for them as a teacher/mentor figure is to give them support at the outcome of their major trials in life. If they get an A, I will caution them. If they failed, I will encourage them.

    I like this kind of thinking. It makes me less uptight and allows me to focus on doing what feels right haha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LP,

      LOL!

      You talking to me?

      I can agree with your wise lady friend!


      After Sec 2, I somehow found myself included into the Science stream for Sec 3!?

      My exam results must have been a fluke!

      Fortunately, I asked for a transfer to sub-Science class where I get to drop Add-Math for another Arts subject in exchange. I hate Math.


      Our Vice-Principal used me as an example to encourage my cohorts to choose what they like to study. And not follow the script that good students study Science, while those with lower grades study Arts...

      Nope. No takers. I'm the only "fool".


      Well, at least the Vice-Principal supported and encouraged my decision. A more "ordinary" teacher would have tried to talk me out of it ;)

      My Vice-Principal listened to what I wanted; not what he thought was best for me.


      A person who is healthy in both mind and body can support others.

      A sick person should cure himself before attempting to treat others.


      Delete
    2. Haha, pai seh, meant for SI...switching in and out of your blog resulted in the error :)

      Unfortunately, we're still like that now...science is still for the top students, and if you're the top students, you're expected to take all the science subjects! I think AK is also one of those forced to take science even though he is more of a humanities student haha

      Delete
    3. Hahahahaha,

      Smol, at least I never call him somebody else. LP no worries, we all start with a S. Lol

      Actually there are 2 parts to my unhappiness. It was never about teaching, I look forward going into the classrooms. It's the operation of school part that had me asking myself why am I doing this without satisfactory answer. The answer u have myself unlike those in the post, did not energetized me,the answer is cold, I need the job and I need my pay. Lol

      Not very inspiring answers isn't it as compared to I am building confidence and giving hope to kids.

      The second part, I caught myself doing it. The KPI. Having 100percent passes etc. The stress of under delivering and the moral authority of leading a team of I can't deliver.

      Well, that part is gone again for now. I just remind myself to focus on their learning and the steps they go through in trying to learn.

      As for results, I use investment wisdom, prepare for the worst and plan for the best. Staying working from the worst.

      The biggest frustration is there are so many distractions. The nation advocate teach less learn more. We should really meet less do more, report less work more.

      Delete
    4. Sillyinvestor,

      If you "expect" 100% success rate for investments like your students' exams, you'll probably get depression or schizoprenia...

      Wait! ;)

      If you invite me for coffee inside IMH, I won't come!

      You worse than woman! Really big mood swings!


      I meant it when I said you can heal yourself. The truth is only YOU can heal yourself.

      Just like you can't take the exams for your students, no one else can untie the mental knots inside your head but you.

      Look at how you answered the "rich lady"?

      You are good at answering other people; how good are you at answering to yourself?

      "Letting go" is not just about material things.

      You wouldn't be in your situation had you started at this current school, and became HOD at your previous school...


      Delete
    5. I had my 100 % before ... Hahahaha

      I am a better teacher than investor, smol. But jokes aside, I know what u mean. Something have to give. That year I make certain arrangements within the department, and I did got my 100%, but that is at the expense of something else.

      I dun see it as a problem, I see it as when "it's not ok to be always ok" hahahah

      Bite me, dun hoot the face.

      Hey no just u have a feminist side. I aunty killer muhahahaham

      Delete
    6. Hi sleepydevil, LP, and SMOL,

      I shall join in the fun in name-calling. Remember? i’m SI. (Please don’t hit me SMOL!!)

      If only I have a teacher like you years ago, I would have probably not hit the wall so many times.

      By a twist of fate, I’m a science student, forced to take science. But always wanted to understand arts. Interesting? I guess not.

      I’m too a defiant pupil in both my Pri & Sec school days. Everything written on the pupil’s handbook? I’ll try them all.

      I still remember some classmates that are perfect model student, prefect in Primary School & Secondary school and today a frequent in Cantonment, whereas anal student like myself. I would say that, I’m studying normally today.

      Guess it’s still too early today, to see who we all eventually turns out to.

      I always wanted to be a nerd and that’s my worst regret I ever have in life. If only time were to remind or that I’ve seen a teacher like you. Probably, my wish would come true.


      Delete
    7. Hi SI,

      I really like your kind words, felt so encouraged. Never thought I could get cheerleading from Lady, Kate and you. Muahhahaha.

      Hmm u were defiant, I was, SMOl too. Maybe financial bloggers are like that hohoho. But u more extreme, I dun even know where I put my pupils handbook.

      Seriously?? Goodie goodie going to cantonment? I guess some drastic life changing moments might have happened and they didn't gotten help.

      Cheers
      very sleepy, devil

      Delete
    8. Hi guys,

      I'm the typical top student in secondary school, teacher's pet etc etc, so I'm the opposite of defiant. I had a lot to unlearn when I left school actually, so that's that. I'm defiant when I'm out in society though, taking a path that nobody took haha

      Delete
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  2. Hi SillyInvestor,

    What a passionate teacher you are ! There's a saying. 小时了了,大未必佳。I had a gathering with my schoolmates lately and we all lamented that the ones who became really successful were the wild ducks in school, not the ones whose grade shone in class. The ones whose grades shone in class got stuck in the corporate ladder. The wild ducks ventured and found their niche and shone. I believe the key to education is to let the kids learn how to work in a team, be curious and passionate about learning and creating new things. Who knows, with AI, there may not be enough jobs in the future anymore. Thus, having good grades may no longer guarantee the rice bowl like what we were taught when we were young. Instead, having that curiosity and innovative spirit maybe the skills needed for our next generation to compete on a global scale. Anyway, jiayou and be happy !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Rich lady (;p)

      I understand, like SMOL, I was a very mischievous and defiant pupil when I was in primary school, no teacher really liked me especially after I became a misfit getting into the top class at P6.

      I think I turn out fine. I went to a notorious secondary school which excels in volleyball without my parents knowledge. Turned out to be my biggest blessing. They gave me an education I could never gotten elsewhere. Friends I still keep.in touch today,national champion. Yes, our results suck, but all those I knew all did well and reasonably in life. That's why I never think it's the end of the world to fail exams.

      But those drop out,before they became good hair stylist and makeup artistes , they went through a tough time as a apprentice. Nothing shameful about it, but I knew it wasn't a bed of roses and some.of them tried to take private and get a degree.

      When my colleagues say the need a degree to find work, I say not true, they need the economy to find work. Lol

      Delete
  3. Hi Silly Investor,

    Excellent post and some great reflections here. Glad to read of such thoughts from an educator in Singapore (despite reports out there that most of them are in for the money). Having said that, agree that lessons sometimes goes beyond grades itself as the life lessons that might be imprinted in them would have been very different. I thought myself as a victim of the system too (not sure if it has changed much now). Just because I did well in my secondary two streaming examination, I was streamed into a triple science class and subsequently took on science subjects in JC when I am pretty much more of a humanities person.... I sucked totally and was wondering why I was stuck with doing those subjects.

    Life could have been very different right now...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Kate,

      I would say most people in the service are good teachers who genuinely care for pupils. Some really go the extra mile.

      However, things have changed quite a bit ... I am.old le, feeling left behind. As long as I can of use ba. When it's time to go, have to go

      Delete
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    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
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