Random thoughts series has nothing to do with investment, it is more like my personal diary.
I have not been able to be in harmony with myself lately. I know, because I
i) Compare excessively
ii) Felt agitated easily
iii) Felt lousy
I know why.
i) Unexpected expenses pushed back my route map to financial goal.
ii) Money saving exercises attracting the wrong negative energy.
When I said I compare excessively, it is not that simple like how can he can have so much at this age, when I do not. I got past that already. It is more of a comparison with myself, why am I always making 2 steps forward only to take one step backwards (Unexpected expenses).
When you feel lousy about yourself, you feel jealous of others. Bad, negative energy.
The money saving exercises have been successful beyond imagination, until I think it can goes on auto pilot. But while it is beneficial monetarily and physically (less junk food), it has been detrimental emotionally. I lost that Zen feeling for almost 2 weeks now. Constantly worried about my goal. Lower self-esteem, do not feel like blogging, felt like slapping myself after I post something about financial matter, the thought of "a loser talking about stocks" is so freaking loud in my head.
I thought it will go away by itself.
I think it is those moments again in life, whereby the equilibrium is harder to achieved, by when harmonized, allow me to be at a higher plane.
I questioned very hard now, if my Zen is not built on character strength but rather on delusional tactics. I am going to fight for that one inch for my goal and not feel the negative energy.
Better not use negative energy to drive change, even if it is highly effective, just like using rage to do something which one usually would not dared.
Stop deluding, and stop whining. Fight for that goal with all the might, pick up and run, Fall and stand, and run again.
Stop chasing shadows, they are all people, not numbers.
Weird, when I interact with the "super successful", I do not feel inferior, because I am friend with them, and that "loser" voice just disappear and I forget about comparing.
Hope my zen will also take this chance to really step out of the shadow. Stop hiding in comfort. Aggressive pursuit of ideas and contentment is not a conflict.
In short, Zen should not be built on delusional tactics but on
2) Life goals and dreams that will still be cherished at one's deathbed.
Anyway, I think I too free, think too much.