Saturday, November 8, 2014

Random thoughts: Use positive energy to drive change

Random thoughts series has nothing to do with investment, it is more like my personal diary.

I have not been able to be in harmony with myself lately. I know, because I

i) Compare excessively

ii) Felt agitated easily

iii) Felt lousy

I know why.

i) Unexpected expenses pushed back my route map to financial goal.

ii) Money saving exercises attracting the wrong negative energy.

When I said I compare excessively, it is not that simple like how can he can have so much at this age, when I do not. I got past that already. It is more of a comparison with myself, why am I always making 2 steps forward only to take one step backwards (Unexpected expenses).

When you feel lousy about yourself, you feel jealous of others. Bad, negative energy.

The money saving exercises have been successful beyond imagination, until I think it can goes on auto pilot. But while it is beneficial monetarily and physically (less junk food), it has been detrimental emotionally. I lost that Zen feeling for almost 2 weeks now. Constantly worried about my goal. Lower self-esteem, do not feel like blogging, felt like slapping myself after I post something about financial matter, the thought of "a loser talking about stocks" is so freaking loud in my head.

I thought it will go away by itself.

I think it is those moments again in life, whereby the equilibrium is harder to achieved, by when harmonized, allow me to be at a higher plane.

I questioned very hard now, if my Zen is not built on character strength but rather on delusional tactics. I am going to fight for that one inch for my goal and not feel the negative energy.

Better not use negative energy to drive change, even if it is highly effective, just like using rage to do something which one usually would not dared.

Stop deluding, and stop whining. Fight for that goal with all the might, pick up and run, Fall and stand, and run again.

Stop chasing shadows, they are all people, not numbers.

Weird, when I interact with the "super successful", I do not feel inferior, because I am friend with them, and that "loser" voice just disappear and I forget about comparing.

Hope my zen will also take this chance to really step out of the shadow. Stop hiding in comfort. Aggressive pursuit of ideas and contentment is not a conflict.

In short, Zen should not be built on delusional tactics but on
1)  Relationships
2)  Life goals and dreams that will still be cherished at one's deathbed.

Anyway, I think I too free, think too much.

Cheers,
Sillyinvestor

20 comments:

  1. Sillyinvestor,

    I didn't want to say much when you commented at my blog as I knew you have inner demons to sort out (taking down a post immediately after it was published). There is a time for joking and poking, and there is time to give others "space".

    You are generally on the right track.

    Just pointing some conflicts in what you have said above from a Tao perspective:

    1) Chasing is synonymous with aggressive pursuit.

    2) Stop chasing X; but engage in aggressive pursuit of Y?

    3) Maybe it's not the targets but the movement?


    Others may not understand, but I think you know my "No goals; no planning" draws from eastern philosophies like Zen and Taoism.

    Instead of chasing after stardust, I just stand still and spread out my arms ;)

    Ever noticed when you are working at the table, stardust does not gather. But go away for a 1 week vacation,...Hey! My desk so dusty!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SMoL,

      I was hoping to hear from you.

      SMOL, while not taking away any credit and path u have already taken, assume if u are still a snake oil seller, can u be as Zen?

      No offense, your answer could well be yes, but for me, I understand the underdog state of mind.

      If u ask me, if the state of inner demons is worth it, I said yes. No darkness, no light.

      Seriously, I think it's time to stop sweep things under the carpet and throw things into the out of area of control excuse.

      I Think this exercise while disturbing actually improve the wisdom (however low) of knowing the difference between courage to change and serenity to accept. Too long hiding in the comfort zone of "serenity to accept"

      That's why there is no Inherent conflict to chase (courage to change) and feel zen ( serenity to accept) as long as there is positive energy ( wisdom )

      It's not the absolute figure of Y and X. Or even blogger A or B, it the balance of equation of accept and change.

      Sometimes, for someone forced by circumstances, all he can do is accept, and simply by accepting, there is plenty of human spirit.

      But for me, my accepting is a escapade. I should go for change, no at the expense of my emotional well being of course.

      Thank you. Now even more dots connected

      Delete
    2. Sillyinvestor,

      You're welcomed :)

      Steel gets stronger by being bashed between the hammer and anvil.

      I give a kick (poke) to those who tried to elicit sympathy, seek pity, or fish for compliments. I'm no bleeding heart.

      It's my way to test whether there's conviction behind those written words, or were they copy paste from other places?

      Why would I talk to a parrot?

      Have fun peeling off those layers of denials and little lies! When you find your true face, give that man a hug!

      Delete
    3. Hmm...

      Is there a true face?

      Maybe the layers just keep peeling and peeling then Wa... How come we go back to the first face?

      I know what u mean? Every face deserve a hug.

      We don't hug ourselves, who will?

      Delete
    4. Oh ya,

      SMOL,

      True, when I first take down the first post.

      The main reason is the lack of self-confidence.

      I also contemplate about posting this. I surely do not want to be seen as soliciting for pity or sympathy.

      I am also wary of passing negative energy to others.

      U the sly one LOL, although I mentally prepare that they will be people who think I am just soliciting for pity or receive tough love comments,

      U sugarcoat your words so well that I didn't even notice it is a test. LOL.

      Delete
  2. Hi SI,

    Judging by the number of times my temper flare in a day, I'm sorry but I cannot comment on the Zen side of things.

    But I do feel the same sentiment when my life seems to run contrary to my set goals.

    My solution is to take time out and refocus on the bigger picture. Short term volatilities are nothing when you can see the long term trend.

    A boat travelling a course does not fly straight like a plane. Tidal streams and cross winds may veer us away from the intended direction. Occasionally, we need to tilt the rudder to point us back to the correct heading.

    Give yourself some credit. I have my gut feeling that you are heading on the right track.

    Correct me if I am wrong, but I'd rather you prove me right.

    Cheers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you S- reit system,

      So kind of u to pen this although we just know each other.

      Glad my nonsense spouting did not draw negative energies but kindness from fellow bloggers.

      I am quite sure, my journey, with have plenty of storm.

      I think I know the direction, but I am quite sure it will be a tough path.

      Maybe, I should be consider my wife in the equation, since she managed to save much more and faster as I pay for almost all of the family expenses. LOL

      Delete
  3. In a marathon, there's always the Kenyans, and then there's us. We know we can't outrun them because they've started training earlier, they've got better genes, they just keeping running day in day out. In other words, they are Kenyans. But is it going to stop us from trying to be better than our previous timing, or stop us from doing what we like?

    Know yourself... you are the enemy. Know yourself, and the battle is won.

    Cheers,

    Ryan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Ryan,

      Thanks a lot. Stranger who show kindness.

      I know Kenyans, the problem is not so much losing the race, but I have been actually doing any seriously running.

      But I know your point. I think I know myself better now

      Delete
  4. Hi Sillyinvestor

    it's time to hit some irons ,hahaha the "iron cell " is a place where you can challenge yourself physically and mentally . Recomended

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Er... STI,

      Sorry huh. I not sure what it where is "iron cell" lei.

      What is that???

      Or are you writing figuratively?

      I bit chim

      Delete
    2. Hi Silly Investor

      its the gym hahaha...let the body hit the floor !

      Delete
  5. Sillyinvestor,

    Meditation helped me a lot. It forces you to clear out the cache in your mind.

    Also, read The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. You can treat it like new age bullshit, or you can choose to see a message, From your comments on SMOL's blog, I can see you're receptive and perceptive to new angles. You might like the book.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi ladykiller,

      Thanks for the recommendation. Holiday is coming, I will check out the book. Problem is I always scan read, seldom read from page 1 to the last.

      U mediate? U Buddhist?

      Delete
    2. no i'm not, but i like a lot of the teachings of Buddhism. such as everything is impermanent, attachment is the cause of suffering, etc etc.

      Delete
    3. "attachment is the cause of suffering" - AGREED.

      I think i can understand what Sillyinvestor is going through.
      QUOTE
      I have not been able to be in harmony with myself lately UNQUOTE... since I tendered my resignation.

      QUOTE
      I know, because I

      i) Compare excessively

      ii) Felt agitated easily

      iii) Felt lousy

      UNQUOTE

      All these negative energy tend to make me paranoid, awful in office when I see the mgmt I worked with for coming close to a decade, is ignoring me, isolating me and leaving me at one corner handling the daily drill. I hope this unwelcomed energy will go go go off by itself and come to the end of my notice period (3months which i am half way done with) , all the positive energy will come come come.

      Delete
    4. Hmm LC,

      Hope you are getting on fine. How come your resignation notice need 3 months so long?

      I am getting better now, money not actually at the back of my mind now...

      You take care yeah...

      Delete
    5. Sillyinvestor, yes, somehow it is the norm for this line. It is a tough 3months and often than not, one will along the way start to waver and wonder if it is a right move. Whatever it is, we never know if it is right or not, just gungho gungho move on!

      Money not at the back of my mind too. It is just having to be with the same mgmt (that never change its spots) for close to a decade, freak me out a little.

      I will definately be on the right track after the notice period. Will do some serious reading (like the one mentioned in yesterday Sunday Times , should be friendly), perhaps take out the book Secret to get some conditioning. Any other easy friend finance book to recommend? I read from one invest blog that he targets to read 50books a month, or did I get the number wrong? I was in awe!

      You take care too.

      Psst: I diligently click your blog from my bookmark every night. SMOL, ASSI too . But i am not a stalker! ha!

      Delete
    6. Hi LC,

      Thanks lots! Very gam dong lei.. Finally got a "fan"... LOL, but seriously, really happy that you like blog enough to click on it every night. That's quite motivating...

      Hmm... One up in wall street from Peter lynch is quite a easy read ...

      Or if u like bite size read; go to value buddies.

      Read Boon, Nick, Cityfarmer, alphaquant, greengirraffe,'many many more la, check out the reputation rating, click on it, click on posts that generates thumbs up from forummers, usually they Are real eye opener!

      Delete