Thursday, May 29, 2014

Random thoughts: 7 years of marriage

How time flies, my wife and I are married for 7 years.

Is this post about the 7 year itch? Hahahaha, what are you thinking, nope, quite surprised it didn't affect me.

Looking back at my 7 years, there are plenty of bitterness as well as sweetness.

I was driving in the rain, and looking back at my life, thinking about my wife.

It suddenly dawned on me i have not felt loneliness for a very long time. I used to be quite a loner, so much so that I already gotten used to it. When we are first married, we couldn't really get used to each other, as I still appreciated "me time" a lot, and she wanted a lot of attention.

We aren't the perfect match, we have different values, growing up experiences,  and family background. We quarrel a lot, we still do, but much lesser now. I still laments secretly the loss of freedom, especially after we have our kid. I also felt there are times when PMS strucks and I bored the brunt of it. But I have to admits, I am a better person because of her, not quite sure if she could say the same.

I am not an affectionate person, in fact, I am really cold and still like water. Recently, I got a transfer and will be leaving my workplace for another soon. Many came up to me to congratulate me and wish me well. My colleagues, even throw a surprise party with a surprising expensive gift for me. Many asked if I felt like crying, I smile, and said "No", to the disappointment to many of my colleagues.

Another close colleague ask me when is my last day, I told him I will be packing soon, he asked me if I will cry as I packed, hmm... why? I replied I will most probably laughed as I packed. Why is leaving a bad thing, I am very happy that I have a place in their heart, that's good enough already, it is a happy thing, isn't it??

Hence, many a times, either knowingly or unknowingly, I know my straight talking and to the point response to my wife's grumbling is not what she look for when she complains. She takes it in her stride now, but hey, what to do, like the frozen song, "I am not asking you to change him, cause' people don't really change.

There are many things I don't appreciate about her, her immaturity at times, but knowing that she have stick with me for 7 years, I think I should not be complaining.

She used to be very insecure about our relationship, to  the extend she hire a PI to check on me. I forgave her, I am more sure about not having a affairs than her. I told her blankly, not that I am a saint, or that I have no fantasies, my job doesn't expose me to temptations, so that is one down. I am not a social person, so again, probability of meeting someone is again low. If I do meet someone that make me heart beats faster, I am just too shy or/ and lazy to chat her up, and get her to another level. What my friends do without blinking an eye, I find it such a chore and uphill task, I rather stay at home and research on companies and do stock prospecting.

Happy anniversary, she will not see this post, although she knows I owned a blog. She is not interested. But well, our RoM anniversary is just over and our chinese wedding anniversary is just a few days away. I always know and remembered, just don't understand why we have to celebrate it. Since she already used to it... Shh....

 

4 comments:

  1. 平常心.

    Didn't know the ember deep in you is so hot ;)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Er similaieh? What is deep blue emblem. So hot

    ReplyDelete
  3. Cold and still; yet moved to write so much about her.

    Don't feel the need to celebrate; yet always know and remember.

    When you hold her tightly, she will tell you where the ember of yours burns ;)

    (Not that place lah!)


    P.S. By the way, I am very glad to have your acquaintance. Glad to be able to converse with someone on a spiritual level ;)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Haha Thanks, SMOL,

    Hmmm... I wouldn't dare to talk about conversing on a spiritual level, I have chat with a closed friend at that level, and it is quite.... hmm....

    Imagine talking about 正念,or the lack of it, then she told me about 3 spiritual souls, Aristotle etc...

    I have been there for a fleeing moment and since returned to the dark side.

    Keep trying, she would try, well, still trying at the back of the mind

    ReplyDelete