Random thoughts series has nothing to do with fiance, it is more like my open diary.
2014 is coming to an end, I have 3 more weeks to go before 2015, but I am in the mood to take stock.
The high point is the move to a new workplace, playing a new role. Although transition has not been easy and learning curve steeper than I expected, I eased into the new environment without major hiccups.
The core business is unchanged, and still passionate about my job. What more can I ask for. My career is definitely my hit and my high point in 2014.
The only area for improvement could well be I should really stop comparing my new workplace with my previous. My previous work is "glamorous" to a certain extent, and I think I need to stop living in the past. It means a lot to me when my colleagues say that they missed me, and actually arrange a farewell lunch, and personal meet up sessions before I go. Some walked up to me and ask why am I leaving, and my presence will be missed. Too much feeding into ego, and I have not snap out of it.
I always make it a point that I do not bring work home. I am always home for dinner, and I believed I put my family in the priority in after work hours.
I think I still have a fiery temper, but I think there are a number of occasions where I controlled it better. I think I experienced what damages a flare up can do to try to be funny again.
I think it is always on my mind to be a good husband and father, but I am not sure of the how, and if I am doing it right.
I do not have many friends that I meet up regularly. My colleagues are not my friends, although I am close to several of them. I just meet up with my usual "gang" for a drink and supper. I think as we grow older, we are more protective, we do not like to talk about our aspirations or problems like when we were younger. I actually think I blog more about more true feelings and thoughts than what I have said with them in the whole of 2014. When I send one of them home, we have more time in my car to chat, there are a few occasions I feel like telling him how I felt about my life, just like how I blog, but I just stopped. That protection gear is mutual.
We usually end up "suan-ing" the most successful of the group. Oh well, the part that gathers the most suan is not his money, he has no lack of them, but rather his ability with women, LOL.
It is only when one "over-spilled" with problems, do we hurdle together and laments about our life, give honest thoughts on matters etc. Otherwise, it is just "wind flower snow moon"
"Me time" is always in greater abundance at the end of the year. Me time is really important to me. I talk to myself a lot (blogging is a lesser form of me-time). When I work, I always find pockets of me time too.
Spiritually, I think I am screwed, no need to go into details here.
Physically, I am out of shape, living more unhealthy, especially towards the end of the year.
The high point really is I started to consciously save money whenever possible, I brought breakfast to work, and go for simpler family dine out whenever possible.
However, I seriously think the low point is I am really too obsessed with money. I think I should really chill a bit. You know what, I seriously believe money can buy "some happiness". Money cannot perform miracles, but some happiness, yes I do think it can do some of the tricks. If money cannot buy "happiness", through buying of "time", why do you aim for financial freedom? You are kidding yourself right?
Money makes me compare with others. No, I do not feel angry or hate others, I seriously don't. I just feel inferior. I feel inferior, not because I has less, I am fine with that too, really. I feel horrible, because I am making little or no progress.
The high point in money matters, is really having the heart to heart "whatsapps" with my wife about finances. I told her given that almost all the household expenses fall on me, I really do not have much disposal income and I couldn't really save monthly. I work out all the expenses, and told her that although I am earning much more than her, her disposal income is actually several times higher than mine. I think she finally gets it. She is not a bad woman, never one to start with, it is my ego that stopped me from letting her know. Of course, I do not think she is ready to share the burden, LOL
The low point is really when I have to sell a winning counter to pay for a expensive overseas trip. Yeah. I know. Although the year-end bonus is more than enough to pay for the trip, it did create "cash flow problems", given that I have an iron bowl job, I do not really keep a big emergency fund. That is basic finance 101, I know. I didn't have it. An irony of a finance blogger.
There is plenty of talk about chasing the dollar, how mindless it is. With all respect, it is mindless only after you have "enough", although everyone define "enough" differently, those who had enough can never understand how it feels to have "not enough". I do not have enough. I am working hard to have "enough", and I seriously do not think I am greedy or set too high a bar.
We can all talk about the wisdom of balancing the life and not allow law of diminishing returns to set in for the pursuit of money. Those are all rich men talk. Most finance bloggers I felt, are rich people. "You" (if you are reading this, chances are you are into investing, whether you own a blog or not) are really nice people, simple and sincere. But "you" are rich in my definition, and they reached the stage of being rich through hard work and perhaps some luck. The light will never see darkness.
The insecurity and the loud "what if I am single..."voice in my heart, is feel I a result of obsession with money. Although it is always very quickly drowned by the choruses of "a happy son, pretty wife and a luxury life (a car), for example, and words of contentment, rich people have their problems, I would still lead my life the same even if I strike toto", etc... The fact is ... I am unhappy about my situation, and I do not know what more can be done. I told myself that I should stop comparing myself with investors but maybe with simpler people. Too bad, the fact that I have built up knowledge of it for a decade, however inadequate, means I should be making full use of that knowledge to meaningful actions with significant consequences.
Looking back at 2014, the longest paragraphs is reserved for money. Obsession! On well, if you are expecting a portfolio review when I talk about money, I am sorry to disappoint me. Although I have more misses than hits this year, and returns is mildly negative perhaps? (didn't really count), I am still comfortable with my get dividends and buy more when price drop strategy.
Seriously, keeping a diary perhaps is better than blogging? I sure sound like I am pandering to get sympathy here. Should I actually publish this? LOL.
Maybe I should ... The blogger-sphere has enough success stories, time for diversity. LOL
Have a happy thanksgiving session.