Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Random thoughts: Caught between a rock and a hard place?


Chill, this is not as serious as the heading suggested, ok?

If you are pragmatic, pursuing FI and generally frugal, but your wife wanted the finer things in life, something along the line of 5C, what would you do?

I guess depending on the threshold and how big is the gap, everyone's answer will be different. I guess not many would allow the family fiances go into ruin by living like there is no tomorrow. But how about taking a loan to live in a private condominium? How about a maid? A car? Annual overseas trip, best enrichment classes for children.

I felt very blessed that my wife did not ask for the sky, but I would definitely prefer to save more and live maybe another one of two notch below my means? So, is giving in to your wife necessary means you are throwing cautious into the winds?

I had my quarrels, so here is just my personal sharing of Dos and Don'ts.

Don'ts

1) Don't raise your voice when talking about money matters.

2) Don't tell her you know of a blogger AK that achieve FI below the age of 40, and how inspired you are by him. (You can be inspired but don't expect her to be)

3) Don't expect mountains to shift in one night

4) Don't expect her to give in all the time

Dos

1) Do show her how tight the fiances really are. (Provide breakdown)

2) Do give in whenever possible, hey, you married her to give her a good life, remembered? You said that in that vow, material satisfaction is still satisfaction.

3) Start changing your habits first. Stop taking your starbucks coffee, stop taking cab, buying comic, etc. Look at your favorite PC game flashing outside that shop, and talked about the storyline, the gameplay, how it has accompanied your childhood. If she said the magic word "buy", you strike lottery, and say, "Its Ok, I rather save the money for the family"

4) Give her more control over "assets", sense of security is precious. You will be surprised how often women will say, "Its Ok, thank you" when you offer to pay without her asking, and asking if she like to have something without her even looking.

Of course, we all like to be in those drama stories, where we all suffer together and then later, because of your frugality and hardwork, you achieved FI and can live like no tomorrow, you think she should also have delayed gratification so that both of you can have a bigger pie later on in life.

Good for you, I live by the day. Thank you





8 comments:

  1. Err, I think its "for richer & for POORER" in the marriage vow (Point 2 of DO).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Err... Words more important than meaning huh?

      Delete
  2. Hi Mike,

    My wife does not 100% follow my idea of investing to achieve financial freedom. She also thinks that my frugality habits in trying to save more money for investment can be a little extreme at times.

    You are not alone in facing this issue.

    However, i see my wife as complementing my shortcoming. Last year, i was reminded not head down the path of scrooge, the character in the Christmas Carol. she was afraid that i might take things too extreme, ended up growing old, rich and miserable. With no good friends and distant relationship with loved ones.

    I was watching this video posted by SMOL sometime ago.

    "What good is success if there is no one to share your joy?"

    "What's so great about wealth if there no one to share it with?"


    http://singaporemanofleisure.blogspot.sg/2015/01/there-is-more-to-life-than-success-or.html

    The key lies in balance. How to do it is the difficult part.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Solace,

      From what u comment over here and various blogs, u hardly come across as a Scrooge.

      Balance is indeed difficult.

      Different level of threshold.

      I will give into my wife as long as

      1) it won't lead to financial ruin

      2) as long as I can make end meets

      3) as long as I can have some left for emergency (not a burden to others)

      4) as long as I can have financial security

      5) as long as I on still on route to FI in x years

      I guess I am at 3) while many are at 5)

      If u are at 5) the X value is important too

      Delete
  3. Replies
    1. See SMOL,

      You are everywhere, so popular ... How I wish I can be like u lol

      Delete
  4. Guilty as charged "Dont's : 2) Don't tell her you know of a blogger AK that achieve FI below the age of 40, and how inspired you are by him. (You can be inspired but don't expect her to be)" hahahah.

    My partner have ever shared with me before that she felt that its the man responsibility to be taking care of the financial issues. But nonetheless, I'm going to try your methodology and see if it's work! really hope it does.... if not i'll just find another wife (just kidding hahaha)

    cheers,
    Clive

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Actually Clive,

      I am quite an MCP, I agree that man should shoulder most of the responsibility.

      Hmm. U sure u want another wife? U best, so loving. I just want another mistress or flick at best ... Lol too much love u

      Delete