I seldom stay at home when I was a student. I spent long hours at school due to CCA, when I reached home, I go to the hawker stall to help out. House, is a place to sleep.
I hate my parents' quarreling, when I studied, it will be at a void deck since I do not even have space for a study table.
Since my parents' poor health, I think I spend more time at home than my entire life.
I understand them better now, seeing their strengths more than their weaknesses. It also had quite an impact on me.
1) Live life
My parents are in discomfort constantly. My mum keep coughing and my dad hand is constantly numb or in pain. There are "pain lessening" sessions like acupuncture or medicine. But I see it very clearly, and is more irritated than grateful when people ask me how are the sessions, are they getting better?
Nonetheless, they carry on with their daily activities. I never heard them grumble about pain. My mum can't cook again, but she still prepare the ingredients. My dad, still go to godness of mercy temple and pray for hongbao despite the crowd. I wondered if I will be like them, "stubborn"as the healthy youngsters like to label or will I whim and whin about how unfair life is, when it is my turn.
Life is living. Sickness or old age. Till death provide the mercy.
2) Suffering is inevitable physically
I always wondered how my last few years will be?
My GP told me since both my parents are diabetic, I will surely get it, it is just a matter of when and how serious.
The TCM Doctor told me to watch my Heath as both my parents have "problems"
I always quipped in my mind how will I die? Should I live as sterile life to prevent and lessen the inevitable or live and enjoy as it is, such that when my time come, I can say "hey, I had my fun"
I always wonder why people fear death? Isn't the pre-death more scary? Which organ to fail first? Which strength to slips and which daily activity is a luxury?
When will I start to worry about falling and never able to get up. This time not mentally but physically.
When is someone frugal? My parents are always frugal.
I had dinner with my dad. A long time I had dinner alone with him out. I knew he liked fish, but he keep shaking his head when I offer to buy fish. He said at least $5. I said "Siao ah, dun worry la, go sit down first"
The meal cost $16. $8 a meal. Macdonald set is $7. A luxury by my dad standard. I told him it is a coffee shop, chill.
When I bring him see TCM at a charity clinic, he always offer to return the donation (it is free). I said I am able, cannot take advantage of the clinic, it is dirt cheap with my token donation, my turn will come when I need to rely on charity. He smiled.
4) What is the big deal？
I find it very amusing now when people gossip or quarrel over the smallest things. Someone could be dying? What is the big deal?