Has been a while.
I felt I have been to the brink of depression and back. It felt different. The turning point was the Vesak Day 三步一拜 (3 steps 1 prayer) ritual, followed by a break of 5 days in June
1) Felt like quitting. Contemplating going private.
2) Harbour thoughts of self-harm, driving the car up to the one in front
3) Wish to be diagnosed with chronic illness so I can lie in hospital and do nothing (really choy choy and touch woods looking back now)
4) Felt it is a pain to enter the classroom even when I have the lesson properly planned and it was a new and special lesson. I usually will be very excited, but I just can't wait to get it over with.
Don't ask me why so serious. Beats me.
1) Told myself to just tell myself to accept the fact that I am the most lousy teacher. I ended up happier. I still did most of the things I did in last semester, but I can put on a smile doing it. I worry less about their results, since I told myself lousy teacher produce lousy results.
2) Told myself as lousy teacher, I shall chill more and take it easy. I "Bo Liao" with pupils more, talking about non-academic related stuff, even when I am doing oral practices, I veered off topics and joked and poked fun at their responses. I find their laughter therapeutic. I shall take care of myself first then them. As a lousy teacher, they happy, I happy can le, if they dun do well, too bad
My idol in school, told me he is very disturbed when the school talks about joy of learning. He says he drill and drive the pupils too hard. It seems he is always on their toes.
I thought he is joking and I told him I look up to him in terms of his passion and drive. He told me he really felt it that way. I told him I define joy of learning differently, no sense of achievement, where is the joy. No achievement no ownership of learning. But i end up telling him I have decided to just keep reminding myself I am lousy, so I do what makes me happy and I dun bother myself with all these idealistic principles anymore. Those are for better teachers. I pass, I do it as it suits me.
Now, I dun feel like quitting anymore. Just a month ago, I gave a historical low of 4-5 out of 10 in terms of satisfaction in teaching. I had always gave 7-8. I am glad I felt 7-8 again.
Maybe it's a encouragement from the higher up, just last week, when I was at the canteen early in the morning to catch pupils who didn't complete their work properly, a lot of pupils crowd around me to talk to me, even though I was marking and talking rubbish to them at the same time. I might sound like a little kid than a teacher, but I felt really appreciated and "wanted". My friend told me I need to much affirmation as an adult. Well, I agree. Happiness is reality minus expectations. I have worked hard at improving reality, so now I will just try to lower expectations.
As for investing, I must say I have been most lazy. Have not been actively prospecting for quite a while.
This time round, the plan is really simple.
I calculated the no. Of rounds I had, and the stages where I want to start firing. Then I just wait.
I remember how I wish I didn't bought more when I buy at 2900 and STI went to 2400 and I freeze.
I also know how I sold out a lot at 3200 and felt stupid when STI roars to almost 3600.
So, I just stagger my rounds using both cash and CPF.
First round should come soon if market break 3100 or any of my counters break 1 more resistance.
Next round will be when it goes down another 10% with CPF
Ever 10 percent drop, fire 1 round. After 2 rounds, firepower double from pistol to magnum. 5th and 6thround bring out the rifle.
By the fifth round sti should be near 2000
This time round, I will add overseas ETF to diversify.
Simple plan . The tough part is waiting. Finger at trigger le. Just move a bit closer.