This is a continuity of my previous post.
I was wondering what SMOL and LP said in the comment section and I start to understand why I felt like that during the holidays.
Purpose. Able to answer "Why am I doing this?" When the going gets tough.
The last 2 days are crazy. I skipped lunch, worked non stop except for dinner until midnight. I am deadbeat today. Frustration, yes it's still there. There is even some tightness in the chest.
But when I see my pupils, suddenly the Why answered itself. I am doing this so that they can pass PSLE, so that those that suffered from inferior complex can build confidence and say "I can", so the few hungry enough for success, I give them a real shot at success and going to secondary school.
For the lazy, I spurred them to work. So that they can help themselves. I am so surprised when I make good my threat that I will look for them during lunch break to finish up their work, they are quite willing to do it. I really do not wish to take their break away from them unless really necessary. But these supposedly "lazy" pupils just took their pens and follow, very unlike pupils from better class.
The why makes it less painful.
The biggest irony is I am so deadbeat that I can't prepare to teach my son properly or even teach at all