Life goes in cycles, predictable yet uncontrollable; just like the markets, but markets give you a second chance
Sunday, December 23, 2018
Random thoughts: Looking back at 2018
I have not done what I can control. My emotional is on a roller coaster ride due to negative feedback at work, a weaken father, and a non-performing portfolio.
I however, like to give thanks to a supportive wife and a wonderful family.
I was very frustrated caring for my dad. It seem that his capability to take care of his daily needs are getting weaker. Caregiving is getting tougher because his situation does not seem to improve. There are various occasions where I raise my voice at him.
I was very demoralized at work too, but I had written a post on it and I shall not dwell on it any longer. My health checks show my liver is getting worse and I am putting on weight. (hahahaha)
I would like to remind myself of the serenity prayer:
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference."
This quote gave me a different perspective this year. I used to focus on the word, "accept". Now I realize serenity is one important key word that should come together with acceptance. Whatever I do wrong, whatever makes me unhappy, I would like to wash it away every night in a bath, and not bring it with me.
The courage to change things, depends a lot of mindfulness. Mindfulness clear the mind on what is possible, and provide the focus and clarity.
I am very fortunate to meet a teacher who advice me for 2 hours on how to move forward, and I feel lighten by the burden. My dad situation did not improve but I have not raise my voice and become my patience.
I thank god for a testing 2018 to strengthen me, although I might have fail the test, I will continue to see how best I can to move forward.
Merry Christmas to all, may your 2018 makes you wiser and stronger for 2019
Wednesday, December 19, 2018
Random thoughts: APTT and First Reit
While bad review or mix review is common, j have not seen any review that bad. If what is complained is true, it says volume of their product quality and why they didn't make much headway into Taichung after winning the license for 2 years
I had initially wanted to add more the day it went XD. After researching, I sold all instead. I am happy to have avoid a otherwise 10 percent drop in matters of days and I exited losing only Commission after dividends.
1) From lippo K announcement:
(Look at footnote 36 and the numbers in liability)
Even if Siloam want to cut some cost, the lease will be the least that bothers them.
It is also unlikely OUELH will p/dump Japan nursing homes to FR like what a analyst suggest. Because that's the only thing left in its portfolio that is not toxic. (Not including the new Greenfield development projects)
I wanted to add more if there is price weakness, if not I will wait for rights issue to add.
Wednesday, December 12, 2018
Random thoughts: 2018 work review- A midlife crisis
2018 is a difficult year for me. I will just talk about work in this post.
This is the 4th year in my appointment. It is a difficult year as I have to manage many staff having issues at work. While I have genuinely tried to help all, I think only 2 turn out well.
This is the worst year in terms of results, I think most of my staff have put in their best. To be honest, I do think with such bad records and having so many years into the job, I really need to take a hard look at my approach and admits something is wrong.
I am not quite sure what is wrong, but while I have tried to change approach, the change in approach is in direct conflict with my beliefs. It's fine if readers think I am a sore loser or I am eating sour grapes, but I decided to step aside for someone with a different approach. I am really looking forward to 1 year transistion period where I will slowly hand over my work. I told my boss about my intentions and she supported my choice. The only spanner is she is leaving soon, but she told me she will let the new boss know.
Frankly speaking, this year high is when I think I gain the trust of a staff who had wanted to leave and when unable to, is feeling very sour.
The low point is, for all my efforts to reach out to my people, which is very exhausting, I was told and hinted that I indulge my officers and I have built a culture that is not productive. I really felt insulted when I heard this, but I realise I not too sure if I know of alternative way. That is also an important reason that I think I should step aside.
This year, I really give all my best to my pupils in order for them to do well in PSLE. This year is the first time I think I balance hoping they do well so I do well in my KPI and also genuinely hope they progress well in exam. For my part, my pupils did better than I expected. While it might not be exceed expectations, I think it is very good. For all the pupils that would in normal circumstances be streamed to take Foundation level of the subject, i manage to turn around most. In fact, many manage a B, more than a pass.
The nights listening to the oral, marking their assignments seem worth it. But, in my boss eyes, I done all these at the expense of my staff and department needs.
I really agree with her assessment, and can only come to the conclusion that I have a capacity problem. I cannot help my pupils and my teachers at the same time. When given a choice, I choose pupils, and my class pupils.
It's quite embrassing, but I am quite happy that my class pupils do well so much that the the level do not do well (the other spectrum of A, my job is to help the weakest pupils pass) , it did not bother me as much. As a friend jest, I need to have 大爱，I am responsible for more than just my pupils. Indeed, my job scope require me to monitor the whole school pupils performance in my subject area. This is another marker that I am a misfit in my job.
In all honesty, I would rather go out at a high, and not because of realisation that I do a bad job. But I guess no point killing my passion for teaching for doing something that I don't like. I know stepping aside with have adverse effect on my career progression. I am glad my wife supported my decision. I am mindful that after I step aside, it might be a slippery slope down, but I will take what come a step at a time. Right now, I will just focus on doing the job as best as I could for another year before I move on with or without my superiors blessing. I am 40 next year. Mid life crisis start early for me.