Random thoughts: Looking back my bucket list of 10 years ago

The nice thing about having a blog is, you can look back at your past, and be amused or touched by what you had been through. 

Slighly more than 10 years ago, my bucket list is something like this:

1)  I would like to start a social enterprise

2) Do something about proverty overseas

3) Teach in a school with the highest FA pupils 

4) Tour Europe 

I have reached the "不惑之年"，不惑can be loosely translated as "not easily tempted or confused", I feel that is a nice word of saying "losing your dreams"

Nonetheless, I have decided that helping my pupils as much as I can, is a social enterprise, and in 3) instead of going to a school with highest FA, I would like to go to a school with many high needs pupils. It is a good reminder, and I think I  might just cross this off my bucket list. I almost wanted to move on to another school, but I felt I am not ready to leave my players who have been with me with the past 3 years. Unlike teaching, where pupils have different teachers every 1 - 2 years, my CCA pupils are with me since P3 or for some, since P2. I just can't bring myself to leave them to fend for themselves without morning training just before their NSG. Maybe I am just egolistic, but I really took a long time pondering about this. My ex-principal has expressed a willingness to accept me in her new school, so it is a case where I should easily move on to another school, if I so wishes. However, I told her I could not bring myself to do it in the end, and she wishes me all the best. 

I don't think I can do anything about proverty in Singapore or Overseas now. I think it is about how well the economy is, and it is really the job of the country leaders. I perhaps is doing something to help prepare my pupils to prepare for  the future work. (Perhaps being egolistic here again)

4) Is not really something that unreachable. Although I no longer feel any need to do it. 

There is this part in my blog post of 10 years ago, talking about FIRE too. 

I do not have FI, but i had already RE. I look forward going to work almost everyday, and wish to die at work, if possible. (Of course, not anytime soon, but when all my dependents are independent, and the elderly all taken care of. )

What a weird post, but I shall just keep the post, and see how much has changed in 10 years. 

If I need to add one more item to my bucket list, it will be 

1) To caregive for all my loved ones and send them off before I go myself. 

Random thought: Losing and coping with the disappointment

 Not talking about losing money in investment here.

Is about my kids losing a competition.

Regular readers would know I coach volleyball in my school, and I enjoyed it a lot. The kids give it their best too. They came for morning trainings, some reaching school as early as 6.30 a.m. They asked for recess practice and came 15 min before CCA starts. 

I have a group of committed and passionate pupils. 

Hence the disappointment when they cannot reach the top 4.

The format of NSG has changed, such that last year top 8 schools will start playing each other from the start, called the pool stage. Group A, which makes up the top 8 teams will have 2 teams Deleagued, and then the remainding 6 will reshuffled and play against the top 2 teams from Group B. This round of game is called League 1.

There are several advantages of this format, as compared to the past Zonal and National Competitions. One, the recreational players will unlikely meet the powerhouse and get crushed. The power house gain more experince playing with teams around the same standard. 

My kids just scrapped past being deleagued but have lost 2 games in League 1 and hence will not be able to play in the top 4 games. 

My disappointment:

1) If the kids train hard, and do what I told them. I share the resposibility. For the boys' team, I think I underestimate the level of game. I think the level of play has improved the last year, the top 8 teams in my humble opinon are playing like the top 4 teams of last year.

My boys are already better all rounded and more prepared as compared to last year team, yet they still lost, and I feel, fair and square to a better or equal team.

2) The girls team are Okies. We managed to beat the second team in Round 1. However, the form is very inconsistent, and when they don't play well, the whole team don't play well, and they are like playing at 30% of their training standard. I am not sure how to improve this part.

My resolution:

After reviewing the games with the coaches, we do have some ideas how to improve our training goin forward. Like the boys need to learn to block, and aim during service and spiking. 

Girls need to work on stress management every training session etc.

My pain:

As I said, they have around every morning, recess, and with me since Primary 3. They did well when they are in junior team, being the first and second in the competition. Although it is no one's fault, I can't help but feel that I fail them and perhaps also their parents, who indulge me with their support for their children to stay back after CCA, come early in the morning etc. 

While, I am not as emotionally affected as compared to the day of loss, I still feel the heartache now and then... I wonder when will it go away.

Random thoughts: Are u caregiving or care "showing"

This not really a rattle, but rather some uncomfortable observation.

When someone is hospitalised, it is important to show care and concern, but if the patient is weak, the hardwork comes after the patient is discharged, and caregiving kicks in.

Everyone want to rush to the hospital at the first timing, to show concern, family members sit in the ward for hours doing nothing except wear themselves tired. When the nurses and doctors are around, and conditions are stable, "showing" continue to seem to take more importance than "giving"

Care showing can do a lot more harm, if u shoot off your mouth, the advices or actions the patient or patient families should take. 

Yes, advices are free. Most mature adults listen to advices and smiled and make their decision. But there are no lack of fearmongers, kan Chong spiders within the immediate families, who became flustered and cause plenty of negative vibes. 

I wonder if showing care, has become a "show-off" of care nowadays? 

Or, has it become a "show"

A show with the main characters, the injured or sick taking a backseat and the care show men/ women beating their chest, crying over misfortune, seeking divine explanations etc. well, I might have exaggerated a bit, but the shows will give MediaCorp a run for their money.

The best care in my stupid eyes, is to shut up when unnecessary and start giving. Buying a nice hot meal, sending the patients' kids to school, massaging the patients etc. Do more, talk less.

And please, rest as much as possible. Caregiving is hard work.