Wednesday, August 2, 2023

Random thoughts: Flashbacks

Flash back 1

When I was perhaps 6? My elder brother had a high fever in the night. My mum brought him and I to the 24 hour private hospital at balestier. When told it will cost $60 to see the doctor, not including cost of medicine, my mother just left. On our way back, my mother keep scolding my elder brother. I thought to myself then: why wasn't my brother health more important than money?

I figured out perhaps, she didn't have more than $50 with her then, she must be also very frustrated. 

Flash back 2

Since I was in my lower primary school days, my dad has been in and out of hospital. He had his first heart operation when he is just over 40 years old. I remember the rather solemn and sometimes worrying atmostphere at home. 

The second time he did a bypass, is when I am in my university days. He had hold off the second surgery for as long as possible. He was smiling when he push to the operating theatre. He was joking and laughing heartily, the night before. A ward mate saw him and remarked that he had never seen anyone so carefree before a major operation

I thought most people would be like that, pretending to be strong, to put those loved ones around at ease. Only recently, did I realise, this is not the case, or not the default case for most people.

I also had a speculation, which I believe might be going on in my father's head. 

He might be feel that everyone of us has grown up, and that he was ready to go.