Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Random thoughts: playing the mind games?

Random thought series has nothing to do with investment. It is my grumbling, and most of the time, talking to myself, or bo liaoing with myself.

The mind or heart is a scary thing. In my previous post on making savings, I mentioned tapping on the heart to feel poor, so that I do not indulge on any excesses. According to lady killer, it is a call a nuero-- whatever la.

It is kind of scary to play mind games, even with oneself. It is very successful, I have not spent a single cent on breakfast  outside of my office. I toast bread and cheese. 3 bundle value pack of cow head cheese and big value NTUC bread that cost less than $10, and can last me for at least 2 weeks, plus oats bought on the cheap during those weekend getaways to Johor with family. I even packed left over dinner to office for lunch. 

Most amazing is when I went orchard to pick up my wife, I have some half an hour  waiting time to kill. The perfect place and time to get a snack at my favorite Taka basement. 

Temptation is super high. I thought "chill, today will be the day that my feel poor exercise come to an end, it has lasted almost 2 weeks, not bad already!"

I went around the basement twice, several snacks did catch my attention. "Wa, $6.9. So expensive! Forget it" "hey, it just cost $3 for this!, but i just bought little gifts for my pupils"

I stand at the basement, looking at the bakery, looking at people sipping Starbucks. I suddenly feel poor, feel low, and demoralized. I walk away and went to wait for my wife, without buying anything. 

When I was a kid, when I am hard up, I felt actually the same way, lousy. With the lousy feeling, came the feeling of low self-esteem and I keep comparing myself with my friends. I realised rather shockingly, I am falling into the same trap, I am comparing rather excessively. With blogger X, with my secondary school friend. Pretty scary. 

I told myself, I am better than my emotions. I activate this and I can manage this, I can manage this feeling of proverty and overcome the low self-esteem with Zen and contentment. I can have the cake and eat it.

So far, it is not successful. 

Mind game? Sound silly? That's me.

I tried to use this game to lead a healthier  life, going exercises more regularly etc, but I cannot find the feeling where I desire exercise so badly as compare to wanting money badly. So I have not been that successful. 

I tried to remind myself how it feel to be bloated. LOL. 

I remember very strongly how it felt to not give a hoot of others, the self-fulfilling sense of contentment. I wonder if the problems at work is troubling me too, and this mind game is just my imagination.

If the mind and the heart has a switch, I think I am getting closer to switching it on and off. Just has to remember and has the will to switch it. Today, I did an mental exercise of how it felt when I feel contentment. I switch it, it came on. I saw something, I compare and felt lousy. I know I can easily switch on the Zen button and get it over. But... 

Am I going too far?? 

Ignore if u do not understand. Because I don't. LOL

P.S: hope u dun feel conned after reading this whole post


  1. Comparison is the ultimate killer of joy

    1. It not just about comparison.

      It is also unavoidable, it is the state of the mind...

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