Random thoughts: Serenity Prayer

I am a free-thinker, but there is one particular quote which I liked since I am JC boy.

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference."

These words keep ringing in my mind in recent days.

In work, my pupils are going for their PSLE, I believed I have done all that I could. Will all of them pass? Seriously, no. Do some of them deserve to fail? Yes. Are there pupils who didn't deserve to do badly, but weirdly, have their confidence and will broken towards the last stretch of marathon? Yes. I wondered what break her? I saw her in tears several times, I saw her tried, but to no results, when her friends are all progressing in one way or another. I saw how her momentarily joy of improvement turn to anguish when another test came.

We always say:" Try harder!" The saddest thing in my line is to see a pupil beaten, by herself. I offer the weakest pupils in my class another session of revision, where we spend some time together to go through the vocabulary, I told them it is not compulsory and they must be willing to come and learn, otherwise it will be a waste of time, she simply refused. Even my "lazy" pupils say "ok."

The courage to put in the extra mile of efforts, the serenity to accept what happens might not be according to our wishes. Results, especially short term results, are things I should learn to let go. Looking back, I wondered if things could have been different.

Although results might be beyond us, it could well break the "courage" to change things.

In my life, it seems my mum cancer cells have spread to the lungs. All her doctors were surprised, since she is lively and positive after her chemo and doctors expect a clean bill of health to go to the next stage of radiotherapy.

She didn't know. I told my sister to let her know only when the pain and effects start to appear. Let her be happy. My sister agreed. There are things, we mortals cannot change. I am rather zen about this. Maybe I am mentally preparing myself for too long already.

Wisdom to know the difference.

That is the part which I think is the toughest 15-17 years ago. I wondered how to tell the difference.

Now, I felt serenity, and courage is the tough part.

Random story: The farmer and the prospector

The farmer was having a meal with the prospector. The prospector was relating how much fun he had walking through the jungle and mountain, spotting precious herbs and rare gems to sell.

The farmer smiled and said" I had no such fun, I toil the farm everyday, but only get a harvest twice a year"

The prospector asked the farmer friend to join him. "Rewards come quick, and fast, there is no need to wait 12 months for rewards" 

The farmer politely declined. He didn't want to face the vugalrities of beasts and traps of the jungle, he also did not like the feast and famine type of harvest. He didn't say much.

His friend sense what his was thinking and said"you do not have to give up on your farm. Imagine with the money you get from doing my work for a few years. You can buy a bigger plot of farm later. I also wanted a plot of farm when I am older and less agile. I will buy the most fertile farm with the best equipment. "

The farmer wasn't interested, but asked" where do you usually do your prospecting?" The prospector said "oh I go to all places", but waterfalls are places  where there is a rich diversity of plants and minerals at the bottom. The deeper the waterfall, the higher the probability of finding something good. I recently found  a 10 m high waterfall in the next county, although it is many days of walk and sailing from here, I believed I might just find some gems! Haha"

The farmer is surprised! "But there is a 20m waterfall at the back of my farm."

The prospector said" is it? Naa... The undercurrent is not fluid enough" 

That night, the farmer wondered if he should advice him to stop prospecting. He didn't seem like an expert in prospecting, and is concerned that he might get hurt rather than rich. He brushed it aside, thinking he is most probably jealous of his rich friend.

The next morning, as he toiled his farm, he thought about his friend again. He got worried again. He suddenly recalled the various prospectors that came this way to the waterfall at the back of the farm. Most have very sophiscated equipments but they always lament prospecting is a tough craft. He serious doubt his friend can do well over the longer term. He thought" maybe I should find a time to talk to him"

 

That night, the farmer had second thoughts again. Maybe he should just let the friend be. They aren't that close anyway. Also, the farmer believe he still has much to learn about farming to convince his friend to give up prospecting to go into farming.  

He believed anyone needs at least 3 out of the 4 things to be a successful farmer or prospector. 

1) luck

2) capital 

3) guts 

4) knowledge

While he believed his friend might lack some knowledge as compared to other prospectors, who is to judge if he doesn't have the other 3 to make up for it? He knows his friend has capital a plenty with strong backing from parents. 

The farmer think about himself, he belived his knowledge on farming is not actually very good, and is still learning. He has very little capital and basically no luck at all. It is weird for him to advise.

Well, for the farmer, the field and the weathers are the best teachers, he reckons his advices will be ill-received anyway, and may the jungles and mountains be his friend best teacher. 

随心笔：无

无，则可装袋。
装袋感恩，装些慈悲。
感恩遇慈悲，会化为幸福。

幸福满了，再把它倒掉。
释怀，是保鲜的良方。
幸福发酵久了，
会变成执着。

如果倒掉幸福，
随手捏来的是悲伤、是嫉妒怎么办？
我装满的悲伤碰到妒忌，
变成邪恶，怎么办？
我倒掉邪恶，留有余臭，怎么办？

无，不是纯净。
慈悲、感恩，不怕脏，不怕邪。
继续装，继续倒。

无。

Random thoughts: differences

How different are we ?

When measured in the lens of time. 

We all go to dust.

When measure in terms of size, we are dust of dust.

When measured by impact on others, it survived time, and fill the heart of people.

Greatness, they say. 

Difference, by the choices we make?

Do our choices make a difference? 

Or is it the difference in action we take when we have no choice is the biggest difference? 

You survived your age, your name go into history. Time, but would we attach so much emotions to dinosaurs? 

You are the world to him, what is him to the world? 

Difference? There is differences yet there are none. 

Random thoughts: Keeping anxiety at bay

I am not sure why I was so "kan chong" when school restarted.

I can't seem to keep my mind intact, with my mind drifting to multiple issues concurrently and then feeling very anxious about the amount of things I have on my hand. It is rather scary.

I did 2 mental exercises and I no longer feel chest tightness. It could also well be because this term is actually not as hectic, but nonetheless, I think these 2 methods work.

Every morning, before I start my day, I would write down a list of things I need to complete and those that I want to complete.

Then I will write a personal note to myself documenting how I feel about the day, it could be I am feeling jealous of my colleague who got a teacher's day gift from my favorite pupil, but I got nothing from her (LOL). I can laugh it off now, but I was feeling rather lousy before I pen down my thoughts.
It is also this process of penning down my personal thoughts before I start the day that I wrote that I have problem keeping my mind focus when I seem to need handle multiple issues at the same time.

So, thereafter, I did 2 things.

I allocate work to my staff (LOL)
I allocate time for specific duties.

But there are also many issues that will prop up the mind as and when it comes, like a teaching idea, or there might be sudden issues that need my attention immediately. It is still happening, but I no longer have serious anxiety attack.

When something props up in my mind. I ask if it is related to what I am doing, and if it goes with the flow, I will stop my work and do it. I realized trying to compartmentalizing something for another time is worse, and usually becomes less productivity. For example, although I have planned to do administrative work for project A in the afternoon, but after my lesson, I thought of doing a follow up with another teaching idea, it is better to follow through and carried out what I want to do than leave that idea later and finish the project. The mind could not focus anyway.

However, there are also time when I remembered I need to handle A, B, and C. as I am doing D. What I usually do is insist on finishing C first. Now, if I need to handle A, I will handle A. It is more relaxing to be moving on than trying to leave A for later.

However, if it just an emotional attack of feeling kanchong. I will say this to myself:

1) I -- Zai, just finish this first.
2) If B is cannot be worked because I  am doing A, than B is not meant to be, there is no need to ＂强求＂
3) If I want to cover 4 items in one lesson, I will need to consider the trade-offs, if I can cover only 2, so be it. 3 and 4 are not meant to be even if I am super "kanchong". "Kanchongness" will affect  my 1 and 2 too.
4) What is the worst that can happen? Most probably feeling lousy... Now, I have my morning therapy, it is one thing down.

 

Living the moments, so what is it?

The funny moment. 

Ask my son:" who are you?"

He will mimick: because I am batman!

LOL

The touching moment 

Nil

The relaxed moment

Chit chatting moment with the gang at handle bar, while facing the sea, and waiting for the election results.

Talking c** with fellow bloggers 

The moment of jealousy

When distant relatives recount how they make a quick bucks recently by selling their property

The moment of fear

When my eyes twitched and work will start in another day

The moment of love

When my son jumped at me twice for a good night hug and my wife came alone for a big family hug

The moment of irritation

When my MIL complain about the maid again

The moment of escape cum reflection

When I turn to my smartphone and "chat" with fellow bloggers or do a draft about teaching.

Precious moments!

All of them, because I am aware. I am sure many more moments come and go because we are insensitive to ourselves and others around us.

What are you waiting for?

"Because I am Bad Man!"

Parkson Retail Asia - Update

I have not vested interest, and I have explained why I sold here

Some of the reasons and assumptions I had are now clarified. Since I blogged about this before, I feel responsible to give an update and my view.

Reasons to sell had become reality.

1) Ringgit did depreciate quite badly
2) While credit rating did not take a hit, 1 MDB did turn for the worse

As for the Hanoi Mall, some of the assumptions turn out to be too pessimistic. See here

I assume 27 mio of rental compensation for a year, and perhaps 3 years of compensation to be given to landlord. In the Q4 results, the set aside 64 mio for the remaining 7 years lease, but claim that they will contest the claim for compensation if any. They also did a 8 mio impairment for Vietnam operations. Take out these impairment, PRA would almost break even.

Operation wise, business is still generating steady FCF (Not taking into accounts the impairment)

As we know, all business are good at a certain price, and this is not a business going to the dogs, but many assumptions I had for the business, no longer hold true except that it is quite a cash generating business.

One assumption I had was Gestation period of new stores to break even is 1 year.

This is not true. Myanmar's stores reported ramped up sales and it is coming to 2 years of operation, but it is still loss making,

Indonesia new stores' losses is volatile. Q4 Indonesia new stores losses actually increase from Q3 but there are no new stores opening for 3 quarters in Indonesia already. I find it hard to comprehend their quarter reports effectively.

Next, I assume they will slow down their expansion. There is no such announcements yet.

Another announcement that I frown on is the appointment of a 26 years old daughter of chairman as the CEO. I have nothing against family business, but according to the announcements, she joined the company about 3 years ago, and at the age of 23, I assumed she just graduated, I thought there should be some trial of her competency as senior staff of some market or branch first.

Compare this with Wee Ee Cheong, son of Wee CHo Yaw (FOunder of UOB)

"Mr Wee, 62, was appointed to the Board on 3 January 1990 and last re-elected as Director on 24 April 2015. Mr Wee joined UOB in 1979 and served as Deputy Chairman and President of the Bank from 2000 to 2007. On 27 April 2007, he assumed the position of Chief Executive Officer. A non-independent and executive director, he is a member of the Executive and Board Risk Management Committees."

He also joined UOB at a young age of 26 but only as a credit officer.He was made deputy Chairman only on 2000, 21 years later. As for CEO who runs the company on a day to day basis, he only assumed the post of 2007. His earliest appointment I could find was in 1988, where "he served as an Executive Director of United International Securities Ltd." That was already 10 years of slog, even with his vantage background. 

Its off my radar now. Not going to look at it unless it is closer to 20 cents.