随心笔：无思

有时真的不知道自己在做什么。
好像就随波逐流。

也不清楚自己的努力，是不是白费的。
更不清楚自己是不是在自欺欺人。

但是天还是要亮，
路还是要走。
就一步一步走下去吧

希望是柳暗花明又一村，
而不是跌入万丈悬崖。

或许，悬崖下，是清碧潭水。

脚步停一停，听一听。

不要太在意，
周围的环境，
不要太理会，
前方的路。
认定了目标，
走了冤枉路，
绕过来就是。

随心笔：回家

回家了，终于。
不管好坏，不论结果。

家，就算什么也没有。
就算能做的事，也没差。

我还是希望，
还是开心。

那个药箱，不会再空着了。

你不一样了。
你听不太懂我的话。

你要想一想，才记得我的名。

没关系。这是你的地方。
你安心休息。

你越来越像小孩。
你其实不再是你了。

你好好休息，开心一点。
希望能带你去吃点饭。

随心笔：失去

不是离开了，才会失去。
握在手中，也不一定拥有。

不是活着，就是存在。

没有抓不抓得住，
只有做着想做的事。

失去，好好活在当下吧。

没有拥有，就不会失去是屁话。

好好拥有，活在心里。
眼前的，让他去吧

Random thoughts: Old age and money

Its less than 3 years apart since my mun passed away and there is a need of active givegiving for my dad.

I am closer to my dad. Hence, the last 3 months sometime do send my mind to a roller coaster ride.

There is a period of time, I worried for my single child. I thought of checking myself in to a community hospital or home and paying the expenses from my rental. There is no need for my son to worry about me falling, etc.

Having been to the hospital for 3 months. I know how it feels to be staying a hospital, community or otherwise. I rather die at home and is glad that my dad is finally going to be discharged. If lying on the bed 24 hours and wearing pampers is distressing enough, I would not want to stare at the fellow patients, each with different ailments.

I wonder how it would be when my tine comes.

Its a humbling experince. I think I do hope to see my son trying to make me confortable, and talk to me, when it is my turn.

Money, is really not at the back of my mind.

Anyway, talking about money. Do look around construction companies and construction supply companies. rWS and MBs spending 9 billions. Assume construction takes place over 3 years, and annual demand of construction in Singapore is in the range of |28 billion to 32 billion. Its 10 percent more, at the backdrop of continous govt spending on MRT lines.

Pan united is a big player in cement, and while MBS or RWS might use their own construction companies or overseas companies. No one is reallg going to ship cement from overseas.

Bye.

Random thoughts: be mindful of seeing the full picture.

Recently, I saw a lot of sponsored ads related to investment in Facebook. Some of my friends like the pages. Out of morbid curiosity, I look at the comment section of a online earning workshop that I know is just ......

I am surprised by the sheer number of people interested.

I hope with this post, people understand that I do not need to lie to mislead u. Just not telling you the full picture is enough.

I shall be upfront that portfolio returns (realised including dividends) or ROA for the last 3 years are 4 percent, 6 percent, 3 percent. Hardly beating any index or doing  any better than CPF SA

Let me give examples that how without lying, I can mislead u that I do have a winning strategy.

For example,

"Learn how to identify turnaround companies and do cyclical plays. Get returns of 30 to 50 percent within just a year or two or even months. Learn how by analysis of industry trends, company competitive edges allow SI to buy Venture, ST enginnering, Silverlake Axis, Yangzijiang near their low and profit immensely"

I did not lie about the above statement. What I did not tell u is I sold too early, and missed mutibaggers if i have sold them later.

"How to buy at a low of 40 cent and see silverlake balloon almost 50 percent within a few months. Learn how to read fianancial results and identified trends of imminent upturns"

I didn't lie about the above statement too. What I didn't tell u is my average price of purchase is Not 40 cents but 47.5 cents. Suddenly the returns isn't too sexy.

I also didn't tell u I got SIA ENGINEERING turnaround wrong. I also brought Sarine Tech at av. Price of 46 cents and sold it 40 cents to cut loss, only to see it fell to 36 cents and then rebound to above my purchase price.

”learn how to invest in industrial REIT And enjoy CAGR in excess of 10 percent every year for the last 5 years"

I also didn't tell u I calculate capital gains but I have no intention of selling so there is no way to unlock the value. I also didn't tell u I only have 2 lots of Ascendas REIT so it is not going to make a big difference to my overall portfolio returns.

I am quite sure I am not reaching the intended right audience with my post but it satisfies my desire to brag about nothingness and delusuonally still think that it is worthy cause for a post

The good question to ask is how your portfolio is doing as a whole and how long have your been keeping to this portfolio.

Random thoughts: Midlife crisis part 2

This post is kind of triggered by B post and also Rolf about success.

While many congratulate him for able to resign, I think he is venturing out with something in a mind and is not exactly on FIRE.

I have been contemplating and researching on a possible plan where I strike it out on my own. I dropped hints to my wife and told her my intentions. While she has her reservations, she supported me if I do take the plunge. I really appreciate it.

We have convsersations, and she offer many other options and advices. I told her my plan is not so.much to escape and make a living and I agreed that there are much safer and less risky options (financially), rather I would like to build something.

Jack ma mention in one of his speeches that we should take risks when we are in the 30s, when we are in the 40s, do what we are good at.

I have calculatEd that I might have to eat grass for 2 years,and if things eventually dun work out, I would have wipe out my savings. I intend to use my investment portfolio for my undertaking.

SMOL poked we want out because we are losing the office politics. While I might not be winning, I hardly think surviving well will be a problem for me, especially after I make some plans to move aside.

It is really the crisis of seeing purpose in the work we do. I am rather delusioned with a lot of things the way they are.

I know I need to learn on the go and be willing to accept possible consequences from failures of my ventures.

However, there is still a part of teaching that I really enjoyed. The interaction with pupils, the bonds and relationships. Of course they are pupils I couldn't reach or couldn't stand me, but I overall, it is really fun.

At 40, I really appreciate every game of sport I still do with kids. I couldn't find adults to play with me, or maybe I didn't lIke playing with adults?

At the back of my mind, I have this thought, this could well be my last time I do this. I did some crazy things that I thought I would not do yeaes ago. Such as accepting invivtation to whatsapp groups and basketball game etc.

My conversation with them have also shifted from giving advices to bordering of talking nonsense.

Make me wondered one early morning, should I just shut up (Not just verbally but also cognitively) and just take my good pay (by my own standard) and just work with the kids and forget about the meaningfulness of othee part of my work.

From my investing style, I know I am a rather risk adverse investor anyway.

Random thoughts: The 3 little joys from teaching

Let me start by being me, cynical. I don't change lives, kids change lives on their own,because of circumstances or will. I just hope I am part of the positive influence in those circumstances.

So the joys I derived are from the small stuff. I however know of real flesh and blood people who stories are like those u see on advertisement.

So here goes.

1) when pupils understand the lesson and overcome a particular fear of learning.

When pupils finally understood the thinking process behind a language task, be it reading comprehension, or writing, they no longer need answers. They know how to get answers, nevermind that the answers may not be perfect. When they know they can apply it across different exercises, confidence is built.

The lesson where there is sparkle in the eyes, is just the begining. The famous 10K hours of practice for mastery hold true. Depending on the pupils competence, no one need 10K and no one has 10k hours, but if someone tell u there is no need for drill and practice, tell him to invest successfully after reading 2 books.

I remembered vividly that pupil who could not speak. She could memorise and prepare the work in advance. When ask to answer inprompt questions, she will panic.

I remember drilling her word by word, day after day, everyday. Advising her what could be said, how to say it, what are the common topics.

When she came up excitedly after her PSLE paper, telling me she could manage the questions, I knew she has a high chance of passing. I almost gave up. A year has passed when she wouldn't even open her mouth to utter a full sentence.

I knew she wanted to do well very badly and is trying very hard, so we all buckle down and do it, literally word by word, sentence by sentence.

That was last year batch. I think it also brought out the fighter in me. I remember going to my pupils word by word, having them do spelling by the strokes of their fingers 3 times a day. Going through the common words required for writing.

Words like ”thank you", "should", they couldn't write, but we just keep practising. In the morning before school starts, during recess, after school. Walking along the corridor and practising, countless make up lessons, just so that I can reach as many as possible my 10 weakest pupils.

I know many still frown on such drill and practices. I just have this to say. They are under my care to learn, and I teach. They need a score to go secondary and I make sure they work hard to get it, I am not dogmatic about ideals and is unapogetic about drilling.

Perhaps over drilling kill the joy of learNing for high achievers. But when u teach the weaker pupils, u are telling them u have not given up on them

2) When pupils enjoy learning.

I hope pupils enjoy coming to my class. But if I have to do 1) at the expense of 2) and will do it.

I like my class to be filled with laughters.

Problem is, I just have that much tricks, old tricks no longer funny.

But the younger ones usually more easily entertained.
 

3) When pupils share with me their personal problems

It is only this year, that pupils share with me their problems. Their social problems with friends (although the underlying cause is more than that hahahaha)

How their friends are talking behind their backs, spreading rumors and how they felt affected.

They say they want me to help or advice. But They dun want me to punish or scold their friends.

I am not too sure I am doing a great job advising. Hahahah. But when pupils came over and asked "Mr Ng, can I talk to u for a while", I felt trusted.

And wow, after listening to them, the kids' world are so happening! I can write a Korean drama with jealousy, betrayal, threats, spying, social traps... with adaptation.

My world even as as lower secondary teenager wasn't so happening.

Thinking back, after 13 years of teaching, that I have pupils willing to tell me their problem or sharing their frustration, I am not too sure if I have been missing something in the last 13 years.