Sunday, June 7, 2015

Random thoughts:Involving your spouse in your journey towards FI

I did another round of budgeting recently.

Although my pay is "high", but most of my expenses are fixed expenses that cannot be reduced. e.g. Children's school fees, mortgages, etc

I felt quite demoralized after that, and I told my wife about it.

My wife's initial reaction was "so, what do you want me to do?" I was offended but in the end, to cut a long story short, we did have a good conversation on our financial goals.

I realized although we are married for almost a decade, we did not really sit down and talk about each other finances. Only recently, did she realize how heavy the family expenses were when it is shouldered by me alone.

She is not spendthrift, and save quite a lot through these years. She also opened up her finances for me, and only until did we know each other "assets" so clearly.

I have always wanted to build up a base, but now I told her it might be faster if she also involved in this building up of "passive income". She agreed that I will be the brains behind all the buys and Sells calls and she will not buy or sell without my consent, but the money will remain in her account.

I felt a better sense of "security" after our conversation, and also felt we understand each other better now.

I had made a mistake of being a MCP, young investors starting on your marriage, do not make my mistake. It is good to talk about the finances thoroughly. It might be unpleasant initially but nonetheless important.


 

13 comments:

  1. Hi SI,

    I empathsize with you. My wife don't like to talk about finances too, so I'll try to do my best to involve her. The best way to involve someone is to make them pay half of all the household expenses. I don't have the idea that a man of the house must foot all the bills. It had always been equal sharing from day 1, so it's not a new problem.

    Recently, she seems to be interested in finance and asked me some stuff about it, which I gladly share! I guess sometimes it takes time for pple to be interested in it. And I think she had seen all the habits (recording expenses, monthly accounting, investing etc) that I do too and wondering why she isn't doing it. it's always good to have an open conversation but we have to be mindful. Try imagining your wife telling you things you're not interested in at all, like maybe the latest cosmetics etc.

    Can you pls elaborate on what you mean by being an MCP?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi LP,
      MCP= male chauvinist pig

      I always believe the burden of the family should rest on the man shoulders. I still believe it now.

      Lol.

      Not sure how I can make more money? Lol. Trying to make money for Mr market is sucidal. Think I will just have to readjust and reframe my mind again.

      Delete
    2. Hi SI,

      I know what's MCP, just wondering what you mean by making a mistake in being one in your family, haha

      Delete
    3. Actually, I think "we" should well be better off if we had a better understanding of each other earlier..

      I actually so call share my "pay" with her, it is very clear that such arrangement should have been stopped.

      We also agreed to for her to chip in our son swimming lessons, it is a negligible sum, but I think its a step in the right direction.

      There is no pain when it is "not my money". Your husband money is still not your money.

      I should be in better financial state now... Not point living in the past though.

      Delete
  2. your problems are not unique to yourself. if i were to say, those that discuss their money values are the rare ones.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HI Kyith,

      Oh... I thought I am the odd one out... I always thought couple are transparent with each other.

      Delete
  3. Hmmm...I thought it is normal for couples to have joint acc for expenses?
    Before I got married, My agreement with my wife is that all our salary credited into joint account. then using it to pay whatever expenses. Even though I earn lesser than her then.
    But of course,this require very high trust between each other.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi WolfT,

      We did. We proportion it according to our pay to pay for the furniture, dinner etc.

      After the dusk settled, the acc is left to die. Lol

      Delete
  4. i am actually very stunned that most couples here don't share on their finances. in fact, sharing and co-ordinating is better than any investment effort by an individual. I have free play on our accounts. all my shares are bought under her name and her SRS account. she don't understand and have no interest in investment but she understands when the dividend comes in.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi victor,

      Thanks for sharing. We are now more open in sharing. As usual, I will be the front scout, will buy first, If still fall, she goes in.

      Her portfolio usually perform better in this way. LOL

      Delete
  5. Hi SI
    I every month will update a spreadsheet ( to update the cash/investment/ unit trust etc) value. Just to roughly calculate how much me n my hubby have.

    Didn do any insurance and cpf update. As it is not correct assets. These is for long term (> 20,30 years)

    That one me n my hubby called it 资产簿。I think I a bit bo liao. Hahahaha.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Yeh,

      I think 2 of u are rather stable financially.

      Just enjoy ...

      Chill

      Delete
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