Random thoughts: Weekend musings

Gold is worth 200k or a million?

The explanation years ago, by minister/ minster or state is the level of competition, meaning the number of competitors are vastly different. One go through the heats, semi finals than finals, while another went straight to the finals.

I felt for someone with an inherent disadvantage, the heats and semi finals are in his/ her life stages, and it may not be any easier. 

I was just amused until my colleague told me its "unfair" and the disparity is too big.  It means me wonder if the public miss the point. 

Recognition is good, important in fact. But can be measured in dollars? Ask the parents if there is no prize money, will they send him to USA? I dun know, I am not them, but I think they will. 

Then the issue of "signaling", what are we teaching our young kids with this disparity? 

I think we are teaching "reality". At the same time, the winners and the winner wannabes, they are trying to prove to others and most importantly to themselves what they are made of, value is intrinsic, less extrinsic, and when it is extrinsic, it is hardly monetary. "I do not wish to let down those who supported me so much in this journey", rather than "shucks, just 0.4 seconds and it's a quarter million"

Of course, there is nothing wrong tangling carrots. But u catch rabbits when u tangle carrots. There is a difference between scavengers and hunters, although they are not mutually exclusive. T-Rex is also a scavenger at times, but a pure scavenger can never be a hunter, and a rabbit never a eagle. 

Work and Tacomb   

I read plenty recently about "dog eat dog", office politics, etc. while I am glad my sector is relatively tamed in "politics" and basically no real "back-stabbing" (since our pay has nothing to do with targets and sales, at least not significantly ), I wonder if those who complained about "politics" are part of the politics.

I realize how much people take things "personally" and do not "speak their mind" and they claim its for self-defense.

Ya, blame the world, they made me who I am. While defintely, survivability will change a person, how many decisions you made is really a "survivability" decision? Will doing what u believe is right or refraining from doing what is wrong cost you your job? Seriously? 

Now, one more level, will that decision cost you that performance bonus? Seriously? Seriously, u think your boss is really blind that he/she will take whatever bad mouths about you at face value, or is that what your boss observed and hear overlapped? Or are you just afraid that it might cost you your performance? 

I am a male prositute, I want money and need my income, I am not an contender for FI, but I still do what I believe, whenever I could, say what I think is right, whenever suitable. Did it cost me my job, my promotion, my performance? 

No, maybe not yet. My boss hint I "low EQ", I am ok. I know where she is coming from. My RO told me to toe the line when a decision is made, that I agree. I dun seek to "change the rules", 

But I am not helpless within the rules, there can be so many creative interpretation of rules? How about being shameless and live in your belief as long as possible until it is not possible (power taken away, or warning given) and be ready to say "I am sorry". That is how I cope... I felt horrible when I failed myself, but less when I am reprimanded for not toeing the line that is counter to my belief. 

My staff sometimes ask me, "like that how? Can meh, sure a not", I tell them do what u believe is the best for your pupils, as long as you can. Then I will apologize on you behalf. 

I know I am the odd one and weirdo. That's why I am planning my succession. I think my organization can only take my harming/ toxic for 5-6 years, before the system caught up with us. So I am passing my helm over slowly, and when the time is right, I will extract myself to poison another place ... LOL.

While, I am not at odds with myself over my core beliefs, I do think my capacity to grow the unit is really limited. Always ready to pass on to the next better player.