Friday, May 27, 2022

Random venting: A weirdo emotions

Warning: Low energy post

I think I am a weirdo.

In the past few months, I have been bombarded with 1 bad news after another.

My good friend going thro divorce, another friend's mum is down with cancer and another passed away. 

In my area of work, a parent complained that I picked on her son. I misplaced a rather important document at work. 

Yet, while these incidents cause some disturbances, I got through them within minutes, made a decision on what I should do, and execute them.

My superior told me my performance might be affected due to the loss of the item. It didn't really bother me, I simply went on to discuss with my bosses and proceed with the actions to bring damage to a minimal.

I was rather "happy" with my zen, and how the many setbacks didn't seem to affect me much. The market pullback didn't even make the list of what bothers me. 

But when the team that I have been coaching and working with lost a match, I was very upset. I feel they lost to their fear and were not playing to their potential. 

In the third and fourth placing match, I told them to play to their best and the placing doesn't matter anymore. They played even worse.

I was quite taken a back by how strongly I feel about the whole incident. The night the team lost the semi-finals, I can't fall asleep and I feel tightness in my chest. The next morning, I did an punishing exercise routine to sweat it out and vent. It works only for a while. 

It's the first day of the holiday, and I still feeling rather moody, the last time I remember experience such intense unhappiness is during the caregiving and later, the passing on of my parents. 

As I lie on bed, I realise I experiencing some "separation anxiety" too. Every year, during my pupils graduation, I would feel it for a week or 2. 

I think I am weird. When my superior told me I might get a much lower performance bonus, I was just upset for like ? 10 min? 

I think I am super emo. So like instead of experiencing separation anxiety once a week, I will experience it twice a year, at the end of the NSG. 





10 comments:

  1. Hello Sillyinvestor, it looks like you're going through a stressful stage, with things mostly out of your control. Hope life will take on a better turn soon. Take care, bro.

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  2. I think what you're feeling is not abnormal. Sometimes, I also get upset over events and people that I shouldn't.

    Some events are out of my control. I try my best to solve the problems as they happen while consoling myself they are not my fault. Some are indeed my fault but if it is my fault, then it is usually also within my control to fix them.

    There are some people who show unfriendliness and I don't know what I did wrong despite deep self-reflection. Most of these people are insignificant. I avoid them in future and dismiss them as people who do not matter to me anyway.

    Ultimately, as long as our health is good, relationships with loved ones are warm, have enough money (need not be rich), then whatever unhappiness we face is simply a mental thing. It can be fixed with a change in thinking. Maybe you can talk to your wife about it. Best partner in life to help you in times of unhappiness.

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  3. Sillyinvestor,

    Burnout.

    Have self awareness it does not lead to depression.

    You're not weird; you have issues.

    Seek help.


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  4. I thought it is quite normal to feel sad or angry when our higher expectation of event/outcome turned wrongly or against us.

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  5. Hi SI,

    I think whatever you are suffering the most of in this world is the lesson that you have to learn to overcome, especially if it comes up again and again. May you have the courage and wisdom to overcome and learn from it.

    LP

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  6. Perhaps money to you isnt that important anymore and you seek other fulfilment in life? Hence the zen attitude when you were told you will get lower performance bonus.

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  7. Recommend this article but you must put into practice daily.
    It doesn't matter whether You are a believer or free thinker.

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  8. https://www.mindful.org/what-is-mindfulness

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  9. The mind is working all the time "randomly".
    It's not easy steer it to where you want it to go.
    To have a mind of your own, you need to calm your mind daily.
    You just can't let your mind runs wild.

    The question is where you want your mind to go daily.

    Shalom

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