Random thoughts: Managing Anxiety

2 weeks is too short to be called a trend, but I thought keeping anxiety at bay for 2 weeks is no mean feat.

1) Mindset - Fatigue for anxiety
I realized while there are certain areas in my job that I do not like, what really stressed me is not able to meet deadlines and rushing like a mad dog.

For these 2 weeks, I spent more nights handling work matters than I usually would. I no longer insisted that I have proper rest (Wondered why I do that at the first place) at night. I slept slightly later at night (1 hour or more) but cleared more work and prepared my lessons better which gave me joy. That joy countered the guilt of not delivering and reduced stress too.

I no longer think working long hours is "pie mia" (tough life), in fact I am happy that I hold a stable job and have no worry over income even in the long term. Some of my pupils apparently slept later than me, talk about having it tough.

2) Mental exercises
Every morning, I tried to wish everyone well in my mind. It wasn't really easy as I feel that it is not just a verbal/mental exercise but I need to feel the sincerity when I do that. I realize I do that better after I get past the grouchy and tiring initial 30 minutes of the morning, and when I just take a walk and observe the people around me. The school auntie that opens the school gate at 5.30 a.m. (I know because I was in school that early before), the people at the hawker center when I go for breakfast, the bus manager etc. Then I realized "hey, my life is not that bad, just maybe fatigue is the only negative; I draw a good pay, is doing something meaningful in my work. Then I felt I come really wish people good health and wisdom better, having blissful families etc.

I also did mindfulness exercises. One by counting and taking note of breathing, and following the instructions of a follow blogger on breathing tips. The other is when I am eating. I wanted to feel the food at the front of my mouth, being chewed unless thrice before going to the left and right and then repeating the process. I know the food is really thoroughly chewed when I do that. I am losing this mindfulness as the work start flowing in, I noticed I will break quite often and think about this project and that. But I will keep reminding myself.

3) Physical exercises
Beside a jog once a week, I go to the school's chin up bar almost daily, sometime twice a week. In just 2 weeks, it went from once to 5 chin ups. I am not particular about the number, sometimes it dropped back to 2, but I just like the exertion of some muscle strength. Feeling the stretch in the muscle is also mindfulness exercise.

I also hit the stairs and avoid the lift as much as I could, even when carrying pupils' work to level 4.

4) Creating systems
Thanks to Kyith, after chatting with him over at his blog, I realized I am a very disorganized person.
I brought more baskets for storage of different documents and purposes so that I can retrieve that easily. I separate to-do-list post it board with "important information". After making a list of to do list, I would ask myself which 2 are most valuing adding? I will also bring back one "post it" slip home to finish and crush by the end of the night.

I delegate more responsibilities to my staff. Think they need to reduce anxiety soon. I felt that they are really adding value to the whole system now. However I realized that trust is still lacking between me and them. I have been more accepting of my own flaws and I accept that I am a B or C grade leader, in fact, F grade made no difference because because it is about progress. I just want to do my best in earnest and have no regrets. I ready to "move on" when the younger ones are ready.

5) Dietary exercises
I am really losing this one. But I will fight back. I cut down on fried food, drink decaf coffee, eat cereals in the morning and avoid dipping into soya sauce. I cut down also on sweet food. I slim down in 2 weeks, my jeans suddenly felt loose and my belt and be buckled further by 1 notch. I tried my old jeans and it now fit.

Hope my sharing is beneficial to others who might have anxiety issues.

Random thoughts: Annual report 2015 Sillyinvestor INc

Warning: long post! LOL

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Statement from Chairman:

Dear readers, this is the maiden annual report from Sillyinvestor Inc. 2015 has been a good year. The company has very humble beginning and manage a recurring dividends $2718 for 2015. This amount generated from a base of $67420 as of 31Dec mean a yield of 4%. 

This yield is better than the recent Singapore Bonds. 

More importantly, the company make a opportunistic trading gain of $3992.

Taken with the recurring dividend, it yields almost 10%. It would have put some funds into shame. However trading gains is highly volatile and a wild card, the company does not expect such results to recur. 

Outlook:

2016 has started off with a Big Bang! It created a black hole and It is rather dark and gloomy now. The company vested position has now increased to $75340. With this bigger base, the company expect recurring dividends to increase, providing more stability to earnings. However, due to poor market sentiments, the portfolio is only worth $65470, a loss of 13% in portfolio value if the entire portfolio is liquidated now. However, as stamp collector as our aspiration, and a target recurring yield of 6% as our motivation, we see the current environment as an opportunity. However, the company will Never leverage to build up the base, neither will it dips into the CPF OA unless market gives an incredible price. 

We might have made a wrong call and enter the market too early, expending  our ammo. But given the small base, the company believe in building a base as and when it deem fit. Our director, Mike, will contribute to our fund every year after settling his family's comfort and security. So we are not really sitting duck. 

Appreciation to directors and readers:

Sillyinvestor inc like to show its appreciation to its directors. Greenrookie who is a forummer in valuebuddies and Nextinsight, sourcing for investment ideas for the company. Our executive director, Mike, who is also the founder of the company, and a veteran in the government sector, providing fund injection to the company every year. As a corporate Governance disclosure, Mike is a hen-pecked husband and might not provide annual injection, and its parent company is Mike's Wifey Pte Ltd

As for readers, to show appreciation to your support, Sillyinvestor Inc will propose a ... Hey! You are reader, not shareholder, I receive not a single cent from you! So instead of dividends, I give you my electronic hug and kisses, I love all of you! World peace. I need you for my Ad rev which I will explained in operation review segment.

Operation Review:

Dividends chasing

In 2015, we bought into accordia trust and increase positions in sembcorp industries and ST engineering. Sembcorp Industries is the biggest drag in our portfolio value. Although price is much lower now, we do not intent to add into our position to prevent over-exposure risk. But we never say "never", and might nimble when our resources permit.

Accordia Trust really lived up to the Chinese Proverb "天有不测之风云”，bad weather has caused its latest quarter earning to fall and affect investors' sentiments. We believed its growth prospect is intact with its parent dumping   Its assets into this trust sooner or later. Also, we need more time to ascertain if the company is affected by weather or faced more fundamental problem. We will give Accordia Trust the benefit of doubts. 

Prior to Black Monday, was a time we also bought back Ascendas REIT, and Mapletree Industrial Trust as well as CM pacific. With the exception of CM pacific, we are happy that the value of the 2 industrial trusts are holding up well. 

Lee Metals, LMIR and Singshipping are so far giving out dividends as expected.

We also newly invested into Cogent, we have not receive any dividends from the company but we expect at least 2 cents dividneds annually. We hope we are not wrong in our decision. 

Trading:

Dividends chasing and trading is not mutually exclusive. We will readily take 3-4 years of dividends off the table and hold cash if we think the market is giving too good a valuation to the companies we hold.

We sold CM pacific, Ascendas REIT and Sing Shipping for 4, 3 and 7 years of dividends. In hindsight, we are too impatient with Venture, and sold it cheap with only 2.5 years dividends. We bought back Venture in 2016 at a higher price. 

In 2015, Siilyinvestor inc also made an speculative trade into FST, the company believed the company is a beneficiary of the current oil glut situation, as the company has a large portion of revenue generated from Tankers. Tankers rate is in roll in 2015 until it is showing signs of slowdown, but nonetheless still profitable. Also the low oil price means the cost of bunker is low for company. Sillyinvestor inc is in the opinon the company could resume dividend payout later this year. "Could" is not a doubt but company "might not". It is a speculative position because the we do not intent to hold this company for

More than 1 year if there is no new positive development. Sillyinvestor inc will cut loss if no clarity of dividends is given in its annual report. 

We also bought into Gold for the first time. It is a balance of portfolio of sorts and not really for trading, but since it is not generating any dividends, we will park it under trading. 

Online Ad revenue:

This segment is  insignificant. We generate an income of $65 for 2015. 

We believed Adsense will terminate our account sooner or later before we can milk it. 

Social Coporate Responsibility:

With our humble fitting, we contribute monthly to World vision, SASCO and Community Chest, in order of size of donations with Community Chest Contribution insignificant. We adopted 2 children from world Vision. It is our hope that as we grow in stature, we can increase contribution to charity. 

Financial statement:

Our company does not have the resources to employ an accountant. So right now, everything is self-learned and agar agar du.

But below is our financial highlight as of 14 January 2015

Investor relationship:

If you are reading till now, you are my pal. My contact info is on this blog, but seriously, I am not sure why you would want to contact me. 

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Footnote: 

Feeling rather pleased with myself after writing this. Lol

Random thoughts: investment indigestion

I have gastric problems.

I eat too fast, and with the food I like, I sometimes eat too much

I didn't notice it applied to my investment appetite too. 

With the market going on a correction, I had already show my hand and more or less cannot take advantage of anymore low prices. I am not touching CPF OA although i already done the paper work.

I bought Venture, and with my small warchest (already utilized earlier) I had nothing left. 

Personally, I regret selling it earlier. I wanted a net cash dividend payer instead of relying of leveraged instruments.

Although the bulk of revenue is from Asia, the majority of customers are From US. US is doing well, venture recovery story is intact. 

Interest has no impact on it.

Currency is its advantages. Costs are mainly in ringgits and sing dollars. 

Customers are diversified. 

Business fundenmental has not changed. I am not sure if market fundenmental will affect its business soon.

Another Counter I asked my wife to add is CM pacific. With its acquistions spree, it is now rather heavily  indebted. 

But is tolls collections going to be affected? I think not. Even if dividends can cut to 6 cents (touch woods) which is already payable with 9 months earnings, its yield is still rather decent and current Price.

Eat slowly. I have health problems

Random thoughts: beneficiary of H&S plan

I have wanted to write this.

In December, my gastric is giving me a lot of troubles. Even if I dun eat, my gastric still hurt, and when I eat, I will be very bloated! 

I lost my craving which usually is quite impossible. I have good appetite even when I am sick.

I wanted to be referred to a specialist because I have been going to GPs on and off for a long time, and the medicine got stronger and stronger but the relief is often short-lived.

The GP told me govt hospital waiting time is quite long, in terms of months. He ask if I am willing to go private. 

At this point of time, I didn't know insirance can cover the gastroscopy and colonoscopy charges.

The doc told me the charges are around 3K. I was quite stunned. He told me it can be cover half by medisave and ask if I have insurance.

Hey! I have !

I was fanatically checking with my sister to see if it covers my procedure.

She get back and said it covers also pre - and post treatment. 

When I was out of the theatre. I was told there was no cancer. The whole process was rather painless but I felt apprehensive at certain point of time. 

I thought everything was ok and even contemplated not returning to see the doctor 2 weeks later. 

I went nonetheless, and was told certain some of my cells "transformed" I ask" you mean mutated to cancer cells" He said "No, that's why I used "transformed", it might lead to the start of development of cancer cells although the probability is not high. He however still propose I be put on long term medication since I had erosive esophagitis.

And the bill?

Everything is so blo** expensive.

But my sister told me it can be claimed too.

While the bill is not crippling, I am glad I didn't scrimp on H& S plan.

Random thoughts: I don't track my losses

Recently, I have conversation about how many % the markets is falling, and portfolio falling by how much.

I ask myself, how much has my portfolio value dropped. I realised I don't have an answer!! 

Yup, I am unique. I have no idea my un/realized profits/loss.

All I know was I bid a day after market falls 70 points, for counters I like. I didn't froze in fear. 1 point/ star for myself.

Reading a lot of bloggers also going in to fish, I didn't manage to get order filled though as market rebounded.

But out of morbid curiosity, I go work out my loss. It is 15% loss of capital excluding dividends. 

I didn't feel I wasted my time since other alternative investment strategies might have a better return with lesser efforts because I realize I enjoy the prosepecting process very much, sometime perhaps just to be proven wrong, I learnt much too. 

The conversation then went on to absolute amount of loss/ profits. My total portfolio dwarf even in the eyes of gain/loss of the other party. 

Strangely this time, the inner demons are real demure. 1 more star. Never scream at me for being useless. 

I bet there are many like me too. Who don't track this and that and also many at the other side. 

As long as it works in your favour.

随心笔：多爱自己

多爱自己。

别问这么多。

对，接受自己。

接受你在别人眼里，可能什么也不是。

让自己活得最精彩，

自己的精彩，

自己彩绘。

可能彩的不是很好。

可能有点灰暗，有点粗躁。

别人的彩虹，

不该留在心中成烙印。

自己的灰暗，

是自己的影子，

看，没有阳光，哪有影子。

对自己好，影子也是热的。

没有能力，可以慢慢磨炼。

出卖自己，就是遗憾。

我的彩虹，雨后出现。

茫茫色彩，很美。

爱自己，欣赏美。

与众不同的美。

它不能像太阳照耀大地，

不能像黑夜让世界宁静。

爱自己，彩虹，不常出现。

孩子喜欢，情人喜欢。

彩虹、影子、自己。 

Random thoughts: cheerleading by focusing on the positives in 2015

Maybe I really need some cheerleading going into 2016. Although I have no 10 baggers or 5/5 scores to share (Lol, poke. Poke ... Sorry I couldn't resist myself)

Perhaps only one thing that kind of fill a "hole" in my heart. I spent more time with my family. Not my wife and son, I always have time for them but my parents and sister. 

I don't really have deep conversation with them but at least I tried to be present. It might seem ridiculous that our parents who nagged at our health can be very "childlike" when left alone, eating only breads for meals and hiding illness from others. At least I know, everytime I am home, a full meal is prepared by my mum and cooked by me. ( I always had the better side of the deal when parents are concerned, who is not)

Given I lived with my in-laws I always have this guilt that I didn't spend enough time with my parents. Given I go home at least twice weekly now, I am feeling more balanced.

I had a hard time thinking of a proud moment or achievement in my work or other areas, but feeble any attempts shall be, I shall still make an attempt

Work.

I am 1.5 years into my new role, the department did well in the national exams, and we won 2 end of year awards for innovation project and improvement to curriculum. (My colleague asked me to smile when I receive the award from my P, inside me, I feeling hollow.)

I network successful and rolled out 2 projects in collaboration with the PSG, and I think win the trust and support of most of them in what I seek to do for the children. It's most heart warming when they come to me and volunteer to do this and that for the children, and ask me if I wanted it. Of course, why not! Anything to make the learning environment a vibrant place. 

I was treated to a meal by my ex-colleague. Was wondering why the sudden "wind" it's because a project I started when I was in the previous school won an MOE award and she felt "obliged" to share the "spoilt"

Investment.

Sell several counters earlier before the correction and manage to get them

Back at a lower price and pocketing the difference as trading gain

(Note this is a cheerleading post and not a review of my portfolio. I write only GOoD things) 

Conclusion:

I could have written a thesis of thousands words of I am to write AFIs. But the start of a year, maybe I will start with a higher note.