It is as it is, only talk.
We always have this worry, that worry. She worry about the care giving, managing her work, baby, and her family time. I worry hell lot about the finance resources or strain it will put on me.
However, this year, the conversation get more frequent and detailed, and I finally get the feeling that she is now really more prepared mentally and emotionally.
I have to secretly admits I am rather half- hearted in this pursuit of a second child. I know it will set me back in what I hope to acheive.
Whe she starts telling me her period of "fertility", I know she is really dead serious. So I decide that I really need to get serious too.
I have been half hearted in keeping a healthy diet, especially in this year end holiday. In order not to "short-change" my second child in anyway, I decided to watch my mouth again (what I eat). I also remember when we were trying for the first, we bought quite expensive tonic in the thousands to boast our health and chances. I told her I will go get it again. She said :" maybe just try first" I said our first child is really healthy except inheriting my sensitivitive airway and nose. It might be a coincidence but I do not want to shortchange my future child.
I mange to find the old prescription of tonics. I went to another more reputable TCM shop and realised in the 5 years, inflation applied to TCM too. LOL
Anyway, the bill is significantly higher than what I expect. I hesitated. The sale person told me I can consider other cheaper options, but I am not sure if the effect will be the same?
I walk around the mall in another round and decided that my future child is worth it.
It now dawned on me having money to pay for all these, is a blessing.
Screw the 30 years plan. Live the day as it it Ba. I am happy thou, I went through the state of flux. At least now, I have my wife aware of my status, she ask to go to the food court during our precious 2 alone time. I myself has also better curb the temptation for indulgences.
And if after all these positive exercise, there is no progress, so be it. My family is worth it. Remind me of the romance of three kingdoms game from Koei. I always play the underdog at the worst screnario using the highest difficulty. I enjoy winning and losing and fighting back to win. When I am assured of winning, I stopped playing. I am living my life like a game, what to ask for