Friday, March 27, 2015

Random thoughts: Self discovery and imperfection

Self awareness can be scary when you don't like what you know as the truth or that your thinking is not "mainstream" In the past few days, I realized:

1) Do I love  my mum?
I am coping very well with the care-giving of my ill mother because I do not really love her. I suddenly remembered how affected I was when fortune teller predicted my son had a tough life, how uncomfortable I will be if I upset my wife due to my sensitivity. I do not really have heartaches regarding my mum, to me, it really is doing my share of responsibility to care for her as well as possible to the best of my ability.

2) Fatigue is  a mind thing.
While I am more tired than usual with longer "working hours", I had it worse before. During National service, while taking care of my son when he is younger, and even during my A level preparation days. They are many a times I spend only few hours sleeping because I am out catching up with friends. I feel so "sianz" and tired for working till 10 p..m. 4 days a week? It also makes me think hard about point 1.

3) Is the Media over-doing it for LKY?
I have utmost respect for him. But I am not very comfortable about the way Media is presenting his case. While there might be questionable consequences to various interest groups in his political days, I think he did not make those decisions for selfish reasons and that his contributions to Singaporeans as a whole far outweigh the grey areas. But, it made me wonder deeply about the unspoken effects on Media on the populace during special events.

Ok. Thats my babbling for me to unwind.

RIP Mr Lee, 2 things that struck me watching all the media productions of him is

1) Vision, how "wonderful" Singapore can be.

2) Strength to carry it through.



  1. 1) Do I love my mum?

    At the end of last few years of her life (my mother), it was me that rally the family and kins to ensure that she would not have to stay at an "Old Folk's home". And a maid to look after her. As she was not staying with me, i also promised them that i would be responsible for bringing her to see doctors whenever she needed it.

    i know my mum dislike me the most as i was a very mischievous child.
    Do i feel i love my mother as i will feel i love my father?
    No! No love at all.
    i only feel a duty in my heart.

    1. Hi uncle temperament,

      Thank you for your Heart felt honest reply. I just wonder sometime if I am really weird... Or heartless.

      Well, I believe your mum appreciate that. You were mischievous, I was rebellious ...

    2. that time when my dad was still alive, i knew that he miss me. but i was too busy and then no time for him even though i knew he is in stage 4 cancer. i always thought he would wait for me, wait for my holiday. well, when i able to have more time for him. he already can not remembered me, and always in sleeping mode.

      well, the little thing i did for him is just gave him money.

      answer your question, do i love my dad?
      well, i think i am heartless.

      after he died, i keep crying and even now, i still cry for him in the middle of night.

      do not be like me, live in 自责中。

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