Saturday, January 23, 2016

Random thoughts: My mindful choices in ironic situations

It is rather an irony that kins felt an obligation to do hospital visits and stay long.

I understand no show could be a sad affair and our company is a good time killer. 

But if u take into consideration that fact that u will only return home to visit only once in a forthnight or a month when the patient is discharges, where is the logic? 

My sister seem guilty about not being able to spend long hours at the hospital.

I told her this. The hospital is a safe place. Safer than home when we are not around. The tougher time comes when my dad is discharges, take pockets of time to rest. 

My dad has spinal compression. The doctor latest MRI shows it. The doctors were all trying to pinpoint his problem, asking the same questions (different docs) about his numbness, and my dad answer is always "no, no pain before the fall"

It is through my causal conversation with him about his sleep and etc that I realise he has back ache. After I told the doctor that, they brought him for spinal MRI the next day. 

When I knew about my dad's suffering or would be suffering I was rather affected. My wife who was at the hospital start suggesting about getting a maid, the consequences, carrying a phone around, how he might not be able to walk, and how he likes to move around and how is he going to cope if his movement is affected. 

In my mind I am screaming "shut up! I am feeling low enough already"

She continued to ask more questions until  at certain point of time, I snapped back "so, how?"

She was a bit taken back. 

I knew that's just her rather mindless way of showing concern, so after dinner I hold her hand and said" I think my dad has a rather sad life", and let her "console" me. 

Her words are much more encouraging/ less hurting then. 

I am really glad my mind is really "sharper now" with the short breathing exercises. I lot of choices we made, could well turn a lot of manageable situations into rather nasty situations. 

I smiled when I told my mum to stop nagging at my sister. 

At work, I told a colleague off for being unprofessional in her handling of a situation. The irony is again, this time round, I am less affected being "nasty", but she seems to get it and able to very quickly "patch up" the damages. 

I will continue to do those mindfulness exercises. It made me aware of my emotions as well as my surroundings.

I hope I don't lose it just when I need it the most. 

And readers, when u do get sick (touch woods), enjoy the rest, stop worrying about the bill. 

There is a time to worry.

The last irony, I think I am a regular to hospitals this 2 months. Going for treatment for myself, visiting my sister, dad and etc.

I don't really fear the place but feel like "lying down on the bed" and relax too.

I told my sister in her private ward, "don't you find the place peaceful?" She said "yes!" 


  1. 会过去的

    Few weeks ago, I was so sick and so down. Now I feel much more better. My health and emotion:)

    1. That's great. Yeh. Keep the spirit high.

      I caught the flu, so fighting at multiple fronts, but the spirit is still high.

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