Thursday, September 7, 2017

Random thoughts: Where is your solace

This post is triggered by a post from AK. He noticed one of his reader might be at risk/ already in depression.

It reminded me of a period of difficulty, when I see only suffering. I was lucky, there was solace from home, although my spouse's family also meet with difficulty. Yup, it never rains but pour.

Ironically, the solace I seek then was work. Being with my pupils. I live by the day, waiting for the quiet of night to have some peace. 

I also know of someone who always talk about taking her life. I know of her difficulty and her unfortunate set of cards dealt to her. She did not manage to find solace, as far as I am concerned, it has been a year. 

I remember when I bantered Zen with my uni lecturer long ago, she was telling me philosophy and kindness is our defense mechanism. I didn't quite understand, she said when things happen, some people just lose it, some people has a defense. That "defense" is what I call solace.

I am a free thinker, but I do think that solace, or refuge or whatever, is built during our daily lives. It cannot be seek during crisis, it is invisible during peace time.

Finding meaning in work, is my solace. My son and my wife are my solace. My belief is the last solace. When crisis struck, it wears down the defense as time drags on. I remember operating at "zombie" mode, to avoid my mind from going wild. Believe in goodness, otherwise there is no "light"

I hope everyone try to live life to the max. U never know when life needs a withdrawal of not cash but your will reservoir. 

Even when things seem to come to a close, I am still operating at "crisis mode" for a long time, before I unwind and see light beside suffering. I cannot imagine those going through ordeals for years.

For those who are going through tough time.

1) Hang in there.
2) Don't think too much, focus on what u set to do, and just do it. Don't think of results or impact
3) Talk to people
4) Write, cry
5) Find solace, in your beliefs, in god or religion. 

Don't stop. Keep moving. Use full use of the short break, and recharge, then expends it again. 


  1. Hi SI,

    Also can seek professional help too. Especially from people from my field who went on the "practitioner" track.

    1. Defintely.

      My journey with that "depressed" person didn't inspired confidence. She had medicine from Private and poly clinic.

      Both me and the doc propose Couselling and I offer to pay. She didn't want it. I booked the appt for her and she cancel it herself.

      In the end of day, our will is our solace.

    2. Relying on pharmaceuticals is not good. Anyway, some practitioners told me before that after all the research and what not (e.g. rapport with practitioners, medication, intervention programme, counselling, etc.), it mainly boils down to the person's will.

    3. UN,

      I think I need to explain, I am not discounting the fact that medication is important. But for physiological illness, in particular, we need both the will and the medicines which is true for all
      Illness but more obvious with mental wealth

  2. Hi

    This is a beautiful post.

    It leaves me thinking a lot.

    Thank you

  3. We need some trusted ones to walk us out from depression. Close friend, relative, counselors or religious elders. Oneself walks out oneself over short period may be rare cases.

    Better to seek help or open up to your trusted ones may ease our suffering sooner.

    1. Yup, talking about it helps.

      CW, the risk is however slipping into whining and self-pity. Some grumbling of course is harmless. Only we can draw the line

  4. Sillyinvestor,

    You know who to call for kopi when you need a poke or kick in the ass...

    Glad you no long write those dark and macabre posts anymore.

    You are right. No one can do the walking for us. Each one of us have our own Karma.


    1. Smol,

      Thanks man, when I feeling sad, most prob won't call u. Most prob get a kick from u than a hug.

      Muhahahahah a

  5. I strongly recommend this book "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle to those who are in depression.

    1. Hi Yeow Hwee,

      I will check out the book. Thanks for sharing

  6. For me, solace is God. I wear a pacemaker and deal with the long term risks and issues. In times of quietness and sadness at night, I pray to God. He is our Good Shepard. Thanks for this article.

    1. Yup,

      Spiritual sanctuary ... I know what u mean

  7. Aey Mike,

    At first glance, i thought you are calling out for me lol.

    Anyway, there is a facebook post which i saw, which might be inspiring to people seeking solace for the challenges that they are facing.

    Hope u find it inspiring too.

    1. Hey solace,

      I thought about where have h been too. After reading my own post.

      What have u been busy with ?

      Big business?

  8. Hi Mike,

    Busy with 2 milestone which all guys should be familiar with.

    1. Gotten married at end of last year
    2. Receive Keys to my New BTO at end of Q2 this year. Now busy with reno and shifting stuff to my new home

    So this major event pretty much explains why i am less active in the community for the past 3 quarters haha.

  9. Hey solace! CONGRATS!


    Actually I never knew how old are u, so u are still so young.! 年轻有为。

    Welcome back then. The renovation can be fun or stressing. I am glad mine is fun. Choosing furnitures etc.

  10. Hi Mike,

    Thanks for the well wishes!

    It's my own home after all, yes feeling pretty satisfied once the feeling of home is there as renovation is nearer to completion. 😄

    I am in my early 30s, speaking of 年轻有为,wouldn't dare to say so lah. Still finding my way in this fleeting life and Impermanence world.

    Hopefully, I will turn out ok. Hahahah

    1. No problem Solace,

      We will all turn out ok. I sense your Buddhist philosophy inclination, perhaps u are already a Buddhist.

      U have a sense of "calm" in what u post, be it here or over at AK.

      Early thirties. When I was there, I face so many inner demons.

      Enjoy your marriage phase

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