My view of the world has changed. Perhaps to a little extend, my values.
But unlike posts from 2-3 weeks ago, when I feel really down, I am actually quite at peace with myself, although the external circumstances have not changed much.
I have drawn closer to the teaching of Buddhism, I am still a free thinker, but My philosophy in the past was very much colored by ZhuangZi's Tao and Buddhism. I am NOT a a follower, just interested in the teaching.
SMOL, if you are reading this, my apologies for our growing distance in our philosophy cognition, although I would have agree that my low energy might be construed as groaning or moaning without myself realising it earlier, recently, I am at peace with myself. Perhaps no longer the sunshine SI, but no longer feeling low. I am actually feeling "nothing and everything"
I enjoy this while perhaps not as much as I enjoyed my carefree and high zen state of mind. I get to taste intense emotions, and I taste it as it is. I still live and breath.
On my drive home last minute, a song almost made me swell in tears. Emotional perhaps, but I accept it and savor it, in my mind, this is the "taste of life"
I thank you for your muddy cup. My cup perhaps is full.
I start to appreciate many things more than FF, and when I write, I might sound like sour grapes. This might not mean I gave up on that, I would still like that pledge of distinction, but I now really felt it is 过眼云烟. I saw life as too unpredictable and perhaps sufferings to be caught up in that web. My post on what money can buy, it taken as I am worried about money. I am not saying I am not worried about money, but really, there are more valuable things to worry about.
FF, is an option not to work. What if I am already FF?
I do think I am already FF, just that I do not have the option not to work. Despite the mad weeks due to multiple projects requiring my attention, and even if every morning, the thought do getting MC do creep into my mind, I still enjoy my work. I do not like the administrative part, but I appreciate it as part of my life.
Perhaps, some might think it is a golden handcuff, I do not. I seriously think, If I struck toto, I will continue to work.
I even thought of a blog post like surviving madness in my work, and wanted to share my tips. LOL. Maybe latter.
"If you like what you work, you will never have to work a single day" while this quote does not apply completely to me, I feel this type of FF, perhaps is already the envy of many, and why should I be upset with chasing the cloud. I know, many will say if you want something bad enough, you will change enough of your lifestyle to get that. I say very confidently, I do not want pure monetarily FF now, at least not badly.
I say old age as suffering, sickness as inevitable. But I am not "low", but it is now vividly in my mind, and I know everyone time will come, is money going to make it better? I think so, but am I going to create another problem with money?
I do not chase freedom, I do not chase FF, I do not even chase the happy Zen state anymore.
I just live, happy, sad, emotional, whatever.
I am at peace, although tired, although not as sunshine.
Perhaps, my views are getting "strange" or "defensive"
As I said before, I blog to crystallize my thoughts, as well as having outlet.
You need not agree with me.