Monday, August 29, 2016

Random thoughts: Paradox of kindness?

I have read this before: great compassion needs greet wisdom, or that compassion might amount to nothing.

I began to feel and understand this statement more. 

Kindness is rather paradoxical, pure kindness mean you do not think too much, you have the "intention" to help, and u did. What has wisdom got to this with kindness?

Kindness depends on the giver or the recipient? If only intention counts, then it depends on the giver?

What if the recipient do not accept your kindness? Who are we to determine what is better? Are there cases that recipients do not want our help but we still need to help? You bet! Think of depression cases. Would they want your "kindness"? To them it is "pity" or you are treating them like beggars. But we carry on as far as we could nonetheless. 

But if it's only/ more about the giver, note the pitfall of self-righteousness. (自命清高)

If it all about the recipients, how do we draw the line besides cases of "depression"

The biggest parodox is: Just continue doing it nonetheless. 

Better to be self-righteous and get a slap one day than missed a chance that is possible for u to make a difference.

Better to be over-zealous and realize you are unhappy of helping, because you care too much of other people business that are unimportant than you woke out one day and saw your own pathetic self. 

Of course, kindness with strings attached is not kindness. 

So, I am so kind to him, why is his ungrateful? The word "ungrateful" do not appear in the dictionary of "kindness"

If we to fatten ourselves, that is not kindness too. It's a transaction. It does not have to be a monetary transaction, it can be an emotional transaction. For example, after "helping" someone, you feel "happy" because u feel "damn power"? 

Did u see the parodox? Or there is none to begin with? 


  1. It is better to just dispense what we think it is kindness/intention but expect some strong reactions/objection/rejection from it and DON'T expect appreciation.

    1. Yup, CW,

      It is actually easier with colleagues or hi-bye friends. I help you, and you FO, I ok.

      But it is tougher with loved ones. We tend to expect more. If only we can treat all our loved ones as friends and friends as our love ones at the right time

  2. 清者自清 ,,,《施比受更为有福》!

    1. HI STE,

      I think you are right, just do it... what the heck... and I cannot agree more.
      Just check intention and hoot/ do.

      Easier and purer that way.

  3. Hi SI,

    In dungeons and dragons (and such related literature), there are good, neutral and evil alignment. A good person will go out of their way to help an old lady cross the road. A neutral person will help the old lady if he is going in the same path anyway. An evil person will push the old lady aside.

    I'm a neutral person, and I certainly don't see myself as kind. I never really believe in altruistism haha! Interestingly, my wife has a good alignment.

    Since your wrote this article, you must be neutral haha! A good aligned person will be self righteous (think paladin) and they will have to be in order to continue doing so. I will think only someone with neutral alignment will weigh their cost/benefit before helping lol

    1. LP,

      Don't block the view. I'm sitting here with my pop-corn to see how Sillyinvestor will respond ;)

    2. LP,

      Interesting, I didn't see it that way. A new perspective. I once played Dungeon and Dragons, but i think its also like fallout, where the deeds earn karma points LOL

      I think I am neutral too, because I do weigh the opportunity costs and impacts of my actions. I ask myself, I am just making myself more busy? If I do start this, am I ready to follow up and how far can I go, so definitely not pure heart who just go. What do I hope to help? Is it just words, how do I do this.

      It took me a while or rather a long while before I decided to persuade my wife's aunt to see a doctor for her depression. I was very hesitant and I am not close to her. But seeing how her negativity breed further negativity, getting more "scolding", I start to tag on my school counselor's contacts to find her a better doctor (Her doc just out to make money, quite obvious)

      I was trying to get her to go for couselling too, but to no avail, the second step to her solutions. SHe think that once she sold her property, all her problems will go away, and now that it is sold, she told me there is no need even to go see anyone...

      I am neutral and closer to evil perhaps, I stop saying anything unless once in a blue moon she confides in me, then I tell her how i felt nothing has really changed actually.

      I do hope things turn out well as she hoped. but deep inside, I know the problems will come back and haunt her, but I "let it be". Maybe only when it happens, the people get convinced.

    3. Hi SMOL,

      I hope the "show" is to your liking...

    4. Sillyinvestor,

      Opps. Now that your relative is involved, I'll keep my peace.

      I know when to open my mouth, when to keep my thoughts to myself.

      Your inner demons; you sort it out yourself.

    5. Smol,

      I might have inner demons I am unaware of, but I dun feel them. I say the same words to you.

      Blind spots.

    6. Smol,

      Just to let u know we are still good, I have nothing malicious or personal against you. We can agree to disagree. But I genuinely felt you should take a look at the clear reflections again and see if they are rusty, if they not, fine. I am not trying to win here.

    7. Siyinvestor,

      Thanks for your feedback to me.


  4. I am same like you, neutral to evil too.
    That day went hospital for medical review, then I saw an old auntie push her Son in wheel chair then old auntie asked me where is the direction. I showed her and offered she need any help. She told me she no need. Then I just continue my way, then after a while, I turn my head back and see whether that old auntie need any help.
    Then I saw the wheel chair is stuck at somewhere then a men was helping them.

    I think I am also evil type.

    So I know that nobody will help me and don't need any help from others. So I now also very cold- hearted to everything now.

    1. Yeh,

      No worries, it's teacher day. Just go and enjoy

      Whatever we do, w must enjoy. We must enjoy helping, if not why help. If we are cold, we must enjoy it, otherwise jolly well be a goodie goodie.

      Only u know if u enjoy being whoever u are