The mind or heart is a scary thing. In my previous post on making savings, I mentioned tapping on the heart to feel poor, so that I do not indulge on any excesses. According to lady killer, it is a call a nuero-- whatever la.
It is kind of scary to play mind games, even with oneself. It is very successful, I have not spent a single cent on breakfast outside of my office. I toast bread and cheese. 3 bundle value pack of cow head cheese and big value NTUC bread that cost less than $10, and can last me for at least 2 weeks, plus oats bought on the cheap during those weekend getaways to Johor with family. I even packed left over dinner to office for lunch.
Most amazing is when I went orchard to pick up my wife, I have some half an hour waiting time to kill. The perfect place and time to get a snack at my favorite Taka basement.
Temptation is super high. I thought "chill, today will be the day that my feel poor exercise come to an end, it has lasted almost 2 weeks, not bad already!"
I went around the basement twice, several snacks did catch my attention. "Wa, $6.9. So expensive! Forget it" "hey, it just cost $3 for this!, but i just bought little gifts for my pupils"
I stand at the basement, looking at the bakery, looking at people sipping Starbucks. I suddenly feel poor, feel low, and demoralized. I walk away and went to wait for my wife, without buying anything.
When I was a kid, when I am hard up, I felt actually the same way, lousy. With the lousy feeling, came the feeling of low self-esteem and I keep comparing myself with my friends. I realised rather shockingly, I am falling into the same trap, I am comparing rather excessively. With blogger X, with my secondary school friend. Pretty scary.
I told myself, I am better than my emotions. I activate this and I can manage this, I can manage this feeling of proverty and overcome the low self-esteem with Zen and contentment. I can have the cake and eat it.
So far, it is not successful.
Mind game? Sound silly? That's me.
I tried to use this game to lead a healthier life, going exercises more regularly etc, but I cannot find the feeling where I desire exercise so badly as compare to wanting money badly. So I have not been that successful.
I tried to remind myself how it feel to be bloated. LOL.
I remember very strongly how it felt to not give a hoot of others, the self-fulfilling sense of contentment. I wonder if the problems at work is troubling me too, and this mind game is just my imagination.
If the mind and the heart has a switch, I think I am getting closer to switching it on and off. Just has to remember and has the will to switch it. Today, I did an mental exercise of how it felt when I feel contentment. I switch it, it came on. I saw something, I compare and felt lousy. I know I can easily switch on the Zen button and get it over. But...
Am I going too far??
Ignore if u do not understand. Because I don't. LOL
P.S: hope u dun feel conned after reading this whole post